A QPR fan, a Fulham fan and a Luton fan were all in Saudi Arabia,sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi National Holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Fulham fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Fulham fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done. The Luton fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The QPR fan was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You have some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the QPR fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked. "Tie that Fulham fan to my back...!!!
People often say that the fish had it easy during the biblical flood, as they didn’t need to be on an ark. Little did they know that Noah had a second boat which had several decks just for fish, due to the many different varieties of Carp It was a Multi-Storey Carp Ark
I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday. I thought 'that's a little condescending.'
I’ve just come back from a session with my Psychologist, he says that I’m suffering from Xenophobia. I’ll bet I caught it from some dirty smelly foreign bastard.
