Pope Francis was stopped by a woman in the Pheonix Park over the weekend and she begged him to help with her 19 year old son's hearing. He looked at the young man and walked towards him. He placed both hands over his ears, closed his eyes and said a beautiful prayer. The pope took his hands off the lads ears and smiled "how's your hearing now my son? " The lad replied " I haven't a clue I’m not in court until Tuesday”
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well. Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How "bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
I was in Curry’s with the Mrs earlier and asked her, what’s your favourite Tellytubby? She said "Tinky Winky". I said no, which television do you like, fatty
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died...I'm married to his widow!".
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, "Where are you going?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor." And she said, "Why? Are you sick?" "No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to the doctor too." He said, "Why?" She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot.
I've had a great morning watching the British Submarine Racing Championships today - Here's one of my photo's ... Enjoy ... please log in to view this image
My Rezimay Deer Sur, I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the Paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do Sum Acounting 2. I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole Person. Pepole really seam to respond goodly to me. I'm lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2 Complikaited. My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a Job Bcuz of my persinalety.. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want To pay me and wat you think that I am wurth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse 4 yore Anser. Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar. Sinseerly, Peggy May McBiggins PS : I half includeded a pickture of me please log in to view this image
