Some phrases for 2018* SALAD DODGER.An excellent phrase for an overweight person.* SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person.* TESTICULATING.Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.* BLAMESTORMING. Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.* SEAGULL MANAGER.A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.* CUBE FARM.An office filled with cubicles.* SITCOMs.Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".* SINBAD.Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.* AEROPLANE BLONDE.One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a "black box".* 404.Someone who"s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.* AUSSIE KISS.Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.* OH-NO SECOND.That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you"ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you"ve hit "reply all").* GREYHOUND.A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.* MILLENNIUM DOMES.The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there"s actually naught in there worth seeing.* MONKEY BATH .A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".* MYSTERY BUS.The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you"re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.* MYSTERY TAXI.The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.* BEER COAT.The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am.* BEER COMPASS.The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you"re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you"ve come from.* TRAMP STAMPLower back tattoo on a female* PICASSO BUM.A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she"s got 4 buttocks* LAST TIME BUYER A person buying a retirement home.* BOBFOCA Woman who looks great from behind but hideous from the front: "Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch"
I attended a speech at a local wheelchair convention about benefit cheats earlier. When the guy finished I gave him a standing ovation. Then the bastard reported me for benefit fraud!
The Pope decides to liven things up at the Vatican and announces that he will be hosting a darts tournament. Things go swimmingly and in the final it is a close contest between Father O'Neil and Sister Margaret. As master of ceremonies the Pope is calling out the scores and up comes Father O'Neil who throws an excellent treble 20 "Sixty!" the Pope calls out, next shot is just over the wire "Twenty!" calls the Pope. Father O'Neil's next dart smacks against the wire and flies back off the board hitting Sister Margaret straight in the eye, the force pushes it into her brain and she drops down dead. The Pope then calls out........ Wait for it....... "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!"
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?" Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
