As my old dad used to say, “The first rule of theatre is to leave them wanting more”. Great man, terrible anaesthetist.
Have you ever wondered why all our great grandparents had such fond memories of their youth? Well... I'm surprised they remembered anything at all !!! Forget Tums & Tylenol. Forget Aleve & Benedryl. Look at the cool stuff they had back then! A bottle of Bayer's 'Heroin'. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine.It was also used to treat children suffering with a strong cough. Coca Wine, anyone? Metcalf's Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment. Mariani Wine. Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of it's time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal. Maltine. Produced by the Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York. It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal. Children should only take half a glass. A paperweight: A paperweight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne (Mannheim, Germany). They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine. Opium for Asthma: At 40% alcohol plus 3 grams of opium per tablet. It didn't cure you... but you didn't care! Cocaine Tablets (1900). All stage actors, singers, teachers and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance. Great to 'smooth' the voice.Cocaine drops for toothache. Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made the children very happy! Opium for newborns. I'm sure this would make them sleep well. (not only the Opium, but also the 46% alcohol) Lydia Pinkham was 20% (40 proof) alcohol herbal concoction cure for all feminine problems. Also, some of the cough and cold medicine for kids and adults had a high percentage of alcohol in it. A common remedy for babies cutting new teeth was to rub the gums with whiskey. It's no wonder they were called, "The Good Old Days". From cradle to grave,everyone was STONED!
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."
So there I was sat in my van. I had kept the house under surveillance for about an hour. Then there was movement at the front door. I hunched down as much as I could in the van so the woman wouldn’t see me. As she walked up the road and turned the corner I slowly, carefully exited the van. I crossed the road, nervously, aware that at any time someone could notice me or the woman from the house could come back. I launched myself over the garden wall and fell to the ground. My heart was beating in anticipation of someone shouting out to me. I crawled slowly to the door. Once there I looked around once more to check my surroundings. Then I lifted the letterbox slowly and quietly. Once my work was done, I slowly closed the letter box aware that any sound might disturb someone and make them come to the door. I then jumped up and ran for my life, jumped into the van and drove off at speed away from the scene. And another ‘Sorry you were out’ card is successfully delivered........ Proud to be Royal Mail.
