My scouser cousin"s girlfriend had a baby today. They"re so proud of him. He"s the only one in the family who"s been inside for less than nine months.
Year 2 class in Bradford comes in from playtime. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at playtime?" Sarah says, "I played in the sand box." The teacher says, "That"s good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write "sand" correctly, I"ll give you a chocolate Hobnob." She does and gets a chocolate Hobnob. The teacher asks Michael what he did at playtime.Michael says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box." The teacher says, "Good. If you write "box" correctly on the blackboard, I"ll give you a chocolate Hobnob."Michael does, and gets a chocolate Hobnob. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at playtime. He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Michael, but they threw rocks at me." The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go to the blackboard and write "blatant racial discrimination" I"ll give you a chocolate Hobnob."
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
There were three nuns who wanted to leave the convent, so the Mother Superior called them in one after the other to ask them why. Mother Superior to the first one, "Sister Anna, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well Reverend Mother, I have decided to do something useful with my life and am going to become a teacher in Africa so that I can help the children to have better lives." "That is a good calling," says the Mother Superior, "you have my blessing." Please send in Sister Mary. "Sister Mary, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well Reverend Mother, I have decided I would like to become a nurse in Africa to help the people get better from their illnesses," "That is a good calling," says the Mother Superior, "you have my blessing." Please send in Sister Susan. "Sister Susan, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well, Reverend Mother, I have decided to become a prostitute." The Mother Superior faints, and when she comes around a few minutes later she exclaims, "What did you say you want to become?!!!!" "I want to become a prostitute Reverend Mother," says Sister Susan. "Oh thank God for that!" exclaims the Mother Superior, "I thought you said a Protestant!"
