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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • So, I was working in a library and this bloke comes up to me and says,
    • "Do you have a bookmark?"
    • I said, "Yes, we have hundreds...but my name"s Dave"
     
    #3781
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A policeman stopped me the other day and said,
    • "I"d like you to blow into this bag sir."
    • I said "What for officer?"
    • He said "My chips are too hot."
     
    #3782
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 10, 2018
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I need your clothes, your boots and your Popemobile
     
    #3783
    kiwiqpr, Apr 11, 2018
    Wooperts_duck, surreyhoop and Uber_Hoop like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife was getting dressed up for a night out with her mates, walked into the lounge and asked me to rate her.

    "8 or 9 at least." I said.

    "Out of 10?" she smiled. "Thanks, Babe, I'm flattered."

    Didn't have the heart to tell her I meant pints!
     
    #3784
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Bloemfonteinbilly and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3785
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3786
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Yulia Skripal was discharged from hospital yesterday so I asked her out for a drink to take her mind off her recent ordeal.

    Unfortunately she stormed out of the pub after less than a minute. Maybe "Whats your poison?" Wasn't the best opening line!
     
    #3787
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 12, 2018
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  8. durbar2003

    durbar2003 Well-Known Member

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    #3788
    durbar2003, Apr 13, 2018
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  9. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    1E618965-90D5-422B-BF60-90A7232CC2BB.jpeg
     
    #3789
    Uber_Hoop, Apr 13, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3790
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • Best day of my life was when i walked down the asile towards my wife,
    • everyone was similing,
    • her mum had a few nice things to say,
    • I gave her a kiss and shut the bloody coffin!!!!!!
     
    #3791
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3792
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3793
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3794
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3795
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3796
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
    The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
    "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
    The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
    The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
     
    #3797
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3798
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3799
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Very useful, if you are struggling to hold onto a lead.......

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    #3800
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 14, 2018
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