Fred and Mavis are enjoying a nice afternoon in the cinema. After 20 or so minutes Mavis leans over to her husband and whispers "Fred, the man next to me is having a w*nk" "Just ignore him" Fred replies, engrossed in the film. "I can"t" she replies, "he"s using my hand..."
My wife was telling her friend that obesity is in her genes. I was compelled to point out that wasn't true as she looks like a fat twat in a skirt as well.
Justice has been served There's been some thug called Carl going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police couldn't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in to them & turning them on!!!!! Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley because of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone... Just heard on news there's a cure for dyslexia... I thought that's music to my arse!
The Manchester City coach was delayed on their way back from Wembley last week. They had to stop at IKEA to buy a cabinet.
It's that cold, I thought I'd check on my 80 year old next door neighbour Mike, to see if he needed anything from the shop. He said he did, so I gave him a list of things I needed as there's no point of us both going out in the snow and getting cold.
