This is apparently a true story... A British Airways 747 was making its approach to Heathrow Airport when the pilot came over the intercom and said: "If you look out of the left hand windows of the plane, you will see Windsor Castle, one of Englands most historic and beautiful landmarks". At which point, an American tourist pipes up: "Gee, what a silly place to build a castle, right underneath a busy flight path".
Father Norton woke up to a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning and decided that it was too good to waste indoors; he simply had to play golf. Pretending to be unwell, he convinced the associate pastor to say Mass for him that day, before heading out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away so he wouldn"t run into anyone from his parish. On the first tee, he looked around and saw that he had the entire course to himself. Everyone else was in church! Watching this from the heavens, Saint Peter lean't over to the Lord and asked, "Are you going to let him get away with this?" Just then, Father Norton hit the ball and it headed straight for the pin, dropped just short, before rolling up and falling into the hole - a 420 yard hole in one! Astonished, St. Peter looked to the Lord and asks, "Why in Heaven did you let him do that?!" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who"s he going to tell?"
Horse is in the pub having a few when spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says" I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach", then he asks "did you win anything" horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”, they arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this guy he's done everything", so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace, the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus”.
