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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. durbar2003

    durbar2003 Well-Known Member

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    23561520_1233387486793430_5244195853769607656_n.jpg
     
    #3181
    durbar2003, Nov 19, 2017
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    When your cat is plotting to kill you but your dog is trying to warn you
     
    #3182
    kiwiqpr, Nov 20, 2017
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  3. Willhoops

    Willhoops Well-Known Member

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    Walked into the porn shop this morning and said 'three of your filthiest porn mags please mate'

    'Have you got anything in mind?' He Replied

    I said 'Yes I'm going to have a ****'
     
    #3183
    Willhoops, Nov 20, 2017
    UTRs, kiwiqpr, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
  4. Ninj

    Ninj Well-Known Member

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    West Ham United supporters are being urged to stop calling 999 to complain after their team loses.
    The Hammers suffered a 2-0 defeat by Watford on Sunday, leaving David Moyes' side without a Premier League win in five games and in the relegation zone.
    Essex Police's Force Control Room said on Twitter: "Ringing 999 because West Ham have lost again and you aren't sure what to do is not acceptable."
    It is understood that one fan rang emergency services after Sunday's loss.
    upload_2017-11-20_18-3-18.png
    When I scrolled further down the tweets someone has suggested phoning Samaritans.
    Goals from Will Hughes and Richarlison meant Moyes' first game in charge of West Ham since taking over from Slaven Bilic ended in defeat.
    Police added that calling 999 about West Ham was a "complete waste of our time".

    Not a joke but made me laugh and rude not to share
     
    #3184
    Ninj, Nov 20, 2017
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  5. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    An Indian man has been arrested for punching his wife in the face.
    Chinda Goodunproppa has denied the charge.
     
    #3185
    jimileysbaldhead, Nov 20, 2017
    Bloemfonteinbilly, Flummox, Wooperts_duck and 6 others like this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Hail. Hail. We rejoice at the long-awaited arrival of our Fallopian Overlords
     
    #3186
    kiwiqpr, Nov 20, 2017
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3187
    kiwiqpr, Nov 20, 2017
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3188
    kiwiqpr, Nov 21, 2017
    UTRs, durbar2003, mkranger71.2 and 2 others like this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3189
    kiwiqpr, Nov 22, 2017
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  10. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    I went to a sex shop and was advised to buy a sex doll that would make me hot, sweaty and breathless.

    Too right. 30 minutes pushing hard on the foot pump before I realised it had a leak.
     
    #3190
    UTRs, Nov 24, 2017
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  11. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    My mate Dave is an expert lip reader.

    Well i say lip reader, he's actually a deaf Gynecologist
     
    #3191
    UTRs, Nov 25, 2017
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  12. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Just phoned the wife.

    "I'm just about to finish work babe, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?"

    She immediately hung up on me.

    Mind you, I think she's still bitter and probably regrets letting me name the twins.
     
    #3192
    UTRs, Nov 25, 2017
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  13. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    I always wanted to learn how to juggle, but I just don’t have the balls to do it.
     
    #3193
    UTRs, Nov 25, 2017
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  14. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
     
    #3194
    UTRs, Nov 25, 2017
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  15. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    At our local recycling center dead batteries can be handed in free of charge...

    please log in to view this image
     
    #3195
    UTRs, Nov 25, 2017
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  16. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I'm a terrible ventriloquist.
     
    #3196
    UTRs, Nov 26, 2017
    Bloemfonteinbilly, kiwiqpr, jimileysbaldhead and 1 other person like this.
  17. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    What do you call a fat bloke's erection?
    A lardon...
     
    #3197
    UTRs, Nov 26, 2017
    Bloemfonteinbilly, surreyhoop, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  18. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    My date said I have to woo her before I get her into bed.
    So, I pulled out my dick, started spinning it around, and yelled, "Wooooooo!"
     
    #3198
    UTRs, Nov 26, 2017
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3199
    kiwiqpr, Nov 26, 2017
    Flummox, Wooperts_duck, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My next door neighbour has had the London A-Z Atlas tattooed on his back.

    He's a bit of a weirdo, but at least you know where you are with him!
     
    #3200
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Bloemfonteinbilly, Uber_Hoop and 2 others like this.
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