1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

Page 150 of 942
  1. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    18,613
    Likes Received:
    28,533
    Shortly before he died my bed-ridden great uncle had his back coated in a thick layer of lard to alleviate the discomfort of bed sores.

    Sadly, after that, he went downhill rapidly. :)
     
    #2981
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
    surreyhoop, kiwiqpr and Hoops Eternal like this.
  2. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    18,613
    Likes Received:
    28,533
    I was spooning the wife earlier when I rested my knob against her arse. "What do you reckon?" I whispered, "fancy a bit??"

    "Pack it in" she said.

    She didn't have to tell me twice. :)
     
    #2982
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
    surreyhoop and kiwiqpr like this.
  3. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    18,613
    Likes Received:
    28,533
    What's 8 inches long and makes my wife come?

    My thumb and finger...

    ...when I click them. :)
     
    #2983
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  4. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    18,613
    Likes Received:
    28,533
    I asked a Scouse mate what time Liverpool kicked off yesterday.

    "Roughly every 18 minutes", he grumbled :)
     
    #2984
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  5. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2011
    Messages:
    14,593
    Likes Received:
    9,393
    "My daughter is on the cheerleading team at The Nadine Brown High School. Their football team are called the Nads after Nadine and she has to stand on the sidelines and cheer...
    "Go Nads!"
    "No, it's true"
     
    #2985
    GroveRanger, Sep 11, 2017
    SwanHills, surreyhoop, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  6. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    8,246
    Likes Received:
    8,378
    Bollocks.
     
    #2986
    jimileysbaldhead, Sep 11, 2017
    SwanHills, kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  7. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    30,242
    Likes Received:
    95,131
    Met a young lady in the country, we messed around in the meadow for some time
    Frolicks
    No it's true
     
    #2987
    Wherever, Sep 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, surreyhoop, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  8. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    Found a beautiful fossil in the cliffs at the beach yesterday
    Bedrocks?
    **** off, it's just my hobby.
     
    #2988
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    Wherever, kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  9. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    Got lost in the middle of nowhere yesterday.
    Boondocks?
    You want a fat lip?
     
    #2989
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    Wherever, kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  10. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    I was stung by a bee below my waist, it's agony.
    Buttocks?
    Nah, bollocks if you must know.
     
    #2990
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    Ranger4ever, Wherever, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.

  11. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    My racehorse trainer pal has some beautiful horses in his stable
    Bloodstocks?
    Listen, what's your problem pal?
     
    #2991
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    surreyhoop, Wherever, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  12. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    Was watching the wrestling yesterday, some great holds in there.
    Arm locks?
    Stop taking the piss.





    I have a list of words ending in 'ocks' and I have a quiet week.
     
    #2992
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  13. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    30,242
    Likes Received:
    95,131
    Had a problem with the mechanism of my tractor
    Hydrolocks
    No honest
     
    #2993
    Wherever, Sep 11, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Uber_Hoop, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  14. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    8,246
    Likes Received:
    8,378
    " Ken Dodd passed away this morning "
    " Did he ?"
    " No, Doddy "
     
    #2994
    jimileysbaldhead, Sep 11, 2017
    Wherever, Uber_Hoop and kiwiqpr like this.
  15. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    30,915
    Likes Received:
    28,946
    I bought a job lot of Swiss walking sticks back from holiday
    Alpenstocks?
    Well if you're not interested just say so.
    Are you deaf or something?
     
    #2995
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
    Wherever, kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  16. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    18,613
    Likes Received:
    28,533
    I come from a long line of shoemakers...

    Cobblers?

    Every word. :)
     
    #2996
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 11, 2017
    kiwiqpr, Wherever and sb_73 like this.
  17. surreyhoop

    surreyhoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2012
    Messages:
    1,456
    Likes Received:
    1,612
    Just landed a job in a teacake factory..

    "Tunnocks? "

    ( You know the rest...:) )
     
    #2997
    surreyhoop, Sep 11, 2017
    kiwiqpr, Wherever, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
  18. surreyhoop

    surreyhoop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2012
    Messages:
    1,456
    Likes Received:
    1,612
    You won't believe it. 3 bears just moved in to my house.

    " Goldilocks?"

    No it's true. ( Sorry :) )
     
    #2998
    surreyhoop, Sep 11, 2017
    Wherever, Uber_Hoop and kiwiqpr like this.
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    116,093
    Likes Received:
    232,387
    need extra security for the car
    crooklocks
    thats the one
     
    #2999
    kiwiqpr, Sep 12, 2017
    UTRs, surreyhoop, Wherever and 1 other person like this.
  20. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    30,242
    Likes Received:
    95,131
    My horse came last in the race, it was injured
    Fetlocks
    No it was his bollocks
     
    #3000
    Wherever, Sep 12, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
Page 150 of 942

Share This Page