Help!!

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by KingoStarr, May 4, 2011.

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  1. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Im stuck inside doing an essay on How the future of travel and tourism in the UK will be effected by Health, Safety and Security.

    Anyone got anything to cheer me up news, jokes, videos... ANYTHING!!

    Much Appreciated
     
    #1
  2. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 27, 2014
  3. Aldridge_Prior

    Aldridge_Prior Active Member

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    please log in to view this image


    Gotta love wor Killa!
     
    #3
  4. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    <laugh> <laugh> <laugh> Rep for both

    Both failed :(
     
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  5. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Think this came off 606 originally so you miht have seen it already.

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry,your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

    "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black labrador. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."
     
    #5
  6. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    In my day we didn't have anyone else to entertain us so we had to entertain ourselves.

    I'll never forget that time I hit a stick against a rock for about two weeks.

    Life was simpler then and all this was fields.
     
    #6
  7. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Fantastic hadnt seen it, :mad: just lost the whole essay though through not saving my work!!!!
     
    #7
  8. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Oh boy, not such a laugh then.
     
    #8
  9. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Nope some of it recovered but I need to get cracking on its got to be in for 5!!
     
    #9
  10. Hatem Is A Geordie

    Hatem Is A Geordie Active Member

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    Hahahaha, I just got out of my maths exam for a 5 minute doctors appointment.
     
    #10

  11. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Lucky ¬¬ far too jealous about that, I got my lip pierced on monday, reckon i can scrub together an excuse out of that?
     
    #11
  12. Hatem Is A Geordie

    Hatem Is A Geordie Active Member

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    Rip it out, and you probably could...
     
    #12
  13. WillDorsetToon

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    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and annouced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin.
     
    #13
  14. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    No Way!!! Hurt enough getting pierced im not ripping it out!! <laugh>
     
    #14
  15. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    <laugh> Rep'd
     
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