Evening everyone.
Here I am, sat at home. I was finally allowed home today. The "treatment" is far from over, but I can at last put the stupidest action I have ever done behind me, and work on my future.
I'v had a lot of problems in my life, most of which I have never shared with anybody. This proved to be vey stupid of me, but being the proud child/man that I am, I'v always kept them under lock and key in my head. These problems have risen to the top on many an occassion, with various people being in the firing line. This time, I was in the firing line. Leading up to my decision to end everything, I was in a very dark place.
I have never felt like I did that day. I felt useless, and thought that my nearest and dearest would be better off without me. I hadn't eaten in three days, and didn't speak a word. I found myself at home on Saturday, and that's when I, or my head, made the decision. I wrote a letter, and that was that.
I spent the next few days with a machine breathing for me, uknown to me I was still alive. I "died" 3 times, but came through them all. I woke with my best friend, my wife, my two sisters and my father at my side. I immediately burst into tears, but was unsure of what had happened.
My wife broke the news, and, I was as shocked as I still am now. I couldn't believe what I had done. It was then that I realised I was a very sick person and that I did need help. Help I am now recieving.
I will be eternally grateful to the doctors that saved my life, and am overjoyed that I have been given a second chance. I am of course still very unwell, but am having daily counselling which is helping me destroy my demons. My family now know exactly what I had been through in my 25 years of existance, and whilst horrified, were thankful that I had finally revealed everything. It is a huge relief ana weight off my shoulder.
You guys on here, and ever other board, have been brilliant. Your messages of support really perked me up, and helped me in realising that I have every reason to live. I can never thankyou enough, and words don't come close to explaining how touched I was. I will never, ever forget each and every one of your kind words.
I won't be posting a huge amount, but now I am home, I will be posting. My counsillor believes it will help me getting my normal life back on track. She thinks everyone accossiated with me should know my demons to help them, and me, to understand, bu I think it should be kept off a forum.
It's great to be back, and I can honestly say I made the greatest mistake possible last Saturday.One that will not be repeated. My life starts again from here.
All the respect in the world,
Ash!
Here I am, sat at home. I was finally allowed home today. The "treatment" is far from over, but I can at last put the stupidest action I have ever done behind me, and work on my future.
I'v had a lot of problems in my life, most of which I have never shared with anybody. This proved to be vey stupid of me, but being the proud child/man that I am, I'v always kept them under lock and key in my head. These problems have risen to the top on many an occassion, with various people being in the firing line. This time, I was in the firing line. Leading up to my decision to end everything, I was in a very dark place.
I have never felt like I did that day. I felt useless, and thought that my nearest and dearest would be better off without me. I hadn't eaten in three days, and didn't speak a word. I found myself at home on Saturday, and that's when I, or my head, made the decision. I wrote a letter, and that was that.
I spent the next few days with a machine breathing for me, uknown to me I was still alive. I "died" 3 times, but came through them all. I woke with my best friend, my wife, my two sisters and my father at my side. I immediately burst into tears, but was unsure of what had happened.
My wife broke the news, and, I was as shocked as I still am now. I couldn't believe what I had done. It was then that I realised I was a very sick person and that I did need help. Help I am now recieving.
I will be eternally grateful to the doctors that saved my life, and am overjoyed that I have been given a second chance. I am of course still very unwell, but am having daily counselling which is helping me destroy my demons. My family now know exactly what I had been through in my 25 years of existance, and whilst horrified, were thankful that I had finally revealed everything. It is a huge relief ana weight off my shoulder.
You guys on here, and ever other board, have been brilliant. Your messages of support really perked me up, and helped me in realising that I have every reason to live. I can never thankyou enough, and words don't come close to explaining how touched I was. I will never, ever forget each and every one of your kind words.
I won't be posting a huge amount, but now I am home, I will be posting. My counsillor believes it will help me getting my normal life back on track. She thinks everyone accossiated with me should know my demons to help them, and me, to understand, bu I think it should be kept off a forum.
It's great to be back, and I can honestly say I made the greatest mistake possible last Saturday.One that will not be repeated. My life starts again from here.
All the respect in the world,
Ash!
just tke it step by step fella thats all, same old same old on here ..somethings never change !! get well soon you Jack Bastard !! 
