Evening everyone. Here I am, sat at home. I was finally allowed home today. The "treatment" is far from over, but I can at last put the stupidest action I have ever done behind me, and work on my future. I'v had a lot of problems in my life, most of which I have never shared with anybody. This proved to be vey stupid of me, but being the proud child/man that I am, I'v always kept them under lock and key in my head. These problems have risen to the top on many an occassion, with various people being in the firing line. This time, I was in the firing line. Leading up to my decision to end everything, I was in a very dark place. I have never felt like I did that day. I felt useless, and thought that my nearest and dearest would be better off without me. I hadn't eaten in three days, and didn't speak a word. I found myself at home on Saturday, and that's when I, or my head, made the decision. I wrote a letter, and that was that. I spent the next few days with a machine breathing for me, uknown to me I was still alive. I "died" 3 times, but came through them all. I woke with my best friend, my wife, my two sisters and my father at my side. I immediately burst into tears, but was unsure of what had happened. My wife broke the news, and, I was as shocked as I still am now. I couldn't believe what I had done. It was then that I realised I was a very sick person and that I did need help. Help I am now recieving. I will be eternally grateful to the doctors that saved my life, and am overjoyed that I have been given a second chance. I am of course still very unwell, but am having daily counselling which is helping me destroy my demons. My family now know exactly what I had been through in my 25 years of existance, and whilst horrified, were thankful that I had finally revealed everything. It is a huge relief ana weight off my shoulder. You guys on here, and ever other board, have been brilliant. Your messages of support really perked me up, and helped me in realising that I have every reason to live. I can never thankyou enough, and words don't come close to explaining how touched I was. I will never, ever forget each and every one of your kind words. I won't be posting a huge amount, but now I am home, I will be posting. My counsillor believes it will help me getting my normal life back on track. She thinks everyone accossiated with me should know my demons to help them, and me, to understand, bu I think it should be kept off a forum. It's great to be back, and I can honestly say I made the greatest mistake possible last Saturday.One that will not be repeated. My life starts again from here. All the respect in the world, Ash!
Nice to hear from you and good to see that things are a lot more positive now. Obviously a lot of hard work for you to do but you sound like you're up for the task which is amazing! Keep well mate and look forward to reading future posts from you!
Welcome back to the land of the living Ash !! great news to know that you are on the mend just tke it step by step fella thats all, same old same old on here ..somethings never change !! get well soon you Jack Bastard !!
Great to see you back on here Ash and that you are getting better with each day that passes. Look forward to reading more of your posts Take Care Ash.
Great to see you are on the mend -one step at a time .Do not rush into the bedlam that occurs here sometimes,just look from afar!
Must say it's so good to hear from you Ash, and your post is a very positive start, but make sure you remove all obstacles of stress from your life, in other words simplify your life style, and when you sense the pressure starting again, talk to your dearest family and friends, because a problem shared is a problem halved, take care and start to enjoy life again, and when your well enough, take your beautiful wife out for a walk, your living in a picturesque part of wales! Really good to have you back, even in small doses...
Thanks for the replies guys. I won't be moderating this forum for a while yet, and won't be entering into the bickering, that's for sure. I see my councillor everyday for a 2 hour slot. I'm off work for the next 4 weeks, so this will aid my recovery, and my wife is home with me. She has forgiven me, and has vowed to stand by my side while I battle this horrible illness. I would like to add that if anyone thinks they may have depression, see your GP. I wished I had done this years ago. Always knew I had a problem, but would never admit it. It isn't worth it.
P.s. Phil, I am ever so sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she makes a full recovery. Never, likewise. Best wishes to both of you.
Thanks Ash, she has the support of all our extended family, and she's under the supervision of Singleton hospital, so we look to the future with some positive hope, thanks mate.................
Great to hear from you again, Ash. One step at a time and take it easy. You have a second chance to enjoy the rest of a wonderful life and I couldn't be happier for you.
Welcome back Ash, we've really missed you. Hope you make a full recovery and back here full time. Thanks for your kind words, we all have our problems but be strong, have a positive outlook and keep the faith.
Great to hear your on the mend mate, I have also been in a very dark place once before, I know exactly how it feels but believe me everything gets better in the end
wb Ash, hope you can be modding soon but always health first, good to see you have a loving wife and family and i am sure they will be by your side in your recovery
Thanks again chaps. I'm grasping this second chance with both hands. I'm still feeling pretty low, but with techniques I'm been taught by the councillor, i can banish that.
Working with a therapist & revisiting past trauma is exhausting & emotional. It will be totally natural for you to feel low but keep practicing the techniques and slowly they will becoming a natural part of your thinking. Try not to expect too much of yourself to start with. Take care sweetheart.
