Ok im not telling you where i sit though lol last thing i need is a hot pie shoved in my face while your on a rant lol
Depending on how supple you are, you may be able to bend right over and look up at the space between your legs. There you will see a hole. This is called an arsehole. So long as you are able to see it, it will mean that you have one, and you will not see the greedy **** in the red and white again.
I used to be quite fit as a young lad, Football, squash, running to the next pub. But never been subtle. Is it OK to use a mirror??