GERRARD: 'RODGERS MADE ME TEXT TOP STARS'

Like you'd have a choice

 

Rodgers would be the example to all other PL managers of what to do to avoid 'tapping up'

 

Spit the dog says Gerrard didn't like him because he" showed him he was a Blackman and its well known Gerrard doesnt like blacks" oh and that he was Jealous of Spit because of all he achieved in football and because he was better than him lol..

Lol..how'd he show him he was a black man...just turned up?

 

Hearsay

 

The magic of the FA Cup was bloodied on the day my penis was cut and then stitched shut on an unromantic afternoon in Bournemouth last year.

It was eye-watering. I tried to close down a winger to block his cross but felt a stinging in my privates. I thought, 'S*** — that doesn't feel right!' It was stinging like f***.

The gash looked pretty bad, right across the middle. There was plenty of blood. I needed four stitches and the lads were absolutely p*ssing themselves.

You can imagine the jokes about inches and stitches and my future performances at home. I might have smiled but I could have throttled the lot of them.

The doc and I went looking for somewhere quiet, but Bournemouth's physio room was busy and I sat down, looking sheepish, while a few of their kids came over to shake hands.

They must have thought I was shy. Then when the doc suggested, 'I think we'd better get on with it, Stevie' there was no way I was getting my penis out in front of an audience. Doc Andy Massey cleared the room, I took off my shorts and underpants and had one last look.

Ouch. I hoped I wasn't saying goodbye to an old friend. I got a jab first and was careful not to look at what he was doing. The doc already had to staple Martin Skrtel's head and now he was repairing my penis!

After I had been bandaged up as protection against any possible infection, I asked the obvious question. 'Can I play against Everton on Tuesday?'

--

If he needs a prosthetic penis then there's a lady who has one going spare.

 

@luvgonzo can probably help him get prosthetic nuts if he ever needs them.