Karaoke Ba starts for Chelsea, let's hope "We're Going To Wembley" isn't on the set-list. Stinky Torres already looks like a grounded teenager, and who can blame him? His goal-scoring record in recent times has made for a few easy nights for Alternative Commentators #considerate #morealonetimewithswimawaysgifts. Ivanovic, who appeared to be the only person who'd like to watch sexy Michu in a League Cup Final more than me in the last leg, also starts I believe. Laudrup is a very polite and dignified man, never-mind a terrific manager. Scandinavian fact #37: Scandinavians cannot lie. Don't believe me? Well I'm Scandinavian, so there No pressure lads, but I gave a mate from Uni stick for being a lowly Bradford fan for 3 wonderfully abusive years, so if your team gets through and lose to them, or dare let Benitez play Torres against them, I'm not speaking to you or sexy Michu anymore
And now I've got weird images in my head now I've noticed Coleman has a big plaster on his thumb and a very thick pen... #thanksswimaway Rafa'sAwkwardMoment#87... He did eventually say FOCUSED, but the commentator was close to apologising for the use of a swearword
The dirty git, he reckoned he went to the Priory to sort himself out. It seems he is still 'sorting himself out' in another fashion.
Kick-Off! And we're off! Silver fox Foy fills his whistle like a blow-up girlfriend and Chelsea kick-off! Once again I'm thankful to Sky Sports that I'm no longer dependent on links with the constant nudey pop-ups. Less distractions from sexy Michu
3rd minute: Swansea couldn't have had a better composed opening if they had Mozart pulling the strings... Ivanovic got a bit of a ribbing with an early back-pass Cole getting booed... Something he did as a footballer, or just his appalling nature as a human-being I wonder... Either way he deserves it! Oh Cheryl Tweedy you are the love of my life, oh Cheryl Tweedy I'd let you shag my wife, oh Cheryl Tweedy, I hate Ashley Cole too!!
7th minute: Silverfox Foy says no penalty as Karaoke Ba starts "I'm flying without wings" after a little jump over a defenders trailing leg. Break from Swansea, Routledge hammers it into the number 28's nuts #ooof
9th minute: Michu denied! Petr Cech the b****** this time, palming away a hard left-footed drive... The Spaniard's on a mission. Father to a gorgeous left foot, husband to a ferocious right, and he will have his hat-trick, in this game or the next.
15th minute: First glimpse of rosey cheeked Rafa looking concerned on the touchline... I feel for the guy... Has anybody actually seen RDM since he was sacked? #Russianroulette On a side note, Rafa Benitez has been accused of turning Jose Mourinho’s pictures the other way in the famous Inter Milan Gallery of previous managers recently… To be honest, that seems sensible to me. How would you get any work done knowing that kind of freely accessible porn was hanging in the corridors? In a similar vein, I believe Laudrup should have received "manager of the season" already for having the ability to write-out a team sheet through what must be intense right hand muscle spasms… #DAMNYOUSEXYMICHU #Bothablessingandacurse #NoooooIthoughtabouthim #maynotpostforseveralhoursnow
20th minute: A few moments ago the commentators noticed that Chelsea carried "more of an aerial threat" with Ba in over Torres... Why he added aerial I don't know, Torres won't be listening. She's probably got her ipod set on the teenangst playlist this evening. Cole gets through a couple of challenges and sends a low cross in, Williams, as always, is in the right place. The resultant corner is cleared off the line well, before *Tremmel claims a simply save from a weak shot. *I've done my research this time
