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Treble said:
I'm beginning to doubt you even watched Prometheus.
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I'll leave it to a poster on Quora.
Herein lies the plot of Prometheus. There are spoilers, but spoiling a movie this idiotic probably counts as a material benefit, so YOU ARE WELCOME. Honestly, if you could just make the movie a little worse, it’d probably break right through the wall and come back around to being good.

  • Ok, so 4 billion years ago these albino alien dudes started life on earth by melting a dude. Molten dude: it’s good for what ails ya.
  • At some point they decided that this was a terrible idea, and they went to destroy life on earth with a super-sweet plague ship full of random monsters that, frankly, they probably would have needed to kill in turn, in an endless “swallowed a fly” sort of thing.
  • Something went wrong with the plague ship, and the crew died. Instead of just getting another one, they figure, meh, I guess we can’t be bothered now. They are the meh-ster race.
  • At least one albino alien dude then travelled to earth where, by amazing coincidence, an intelligent lifeform had evolved to look pretty much exactly like them. It is hard to overstate how completely mindbogglingly unlikely this is.
  • He decides to go on a kon-tiki tour of early civilisation, and taught everyone exactly where to find a planet full of super-sweet plague ships, for no apparent reason. He was, apparently, a bit of a troll.
  • Humans work out where the maps are pointing to, and decide to send a super-sweet spaceship to check it out. This is possibly the only plot point in the movie that actually makes sense.
  • They assemble a crew of idiots.
  • They don’t tell the crew what the mission is about until they get there, two years into a four year mission. I guess they were all trying to hide from the mob or something to agree to go on a four year mission without knowing what it was.
  • The owner of the ship stows away on his own ship, because if the crew knew the owner of the ship was on his own ship, they’d… um. I’m not sure. Say hi? Maybe he’s really shy.
  • The crew fail to notice there’s a sizeable chunk of the ship that’s locked and apparently doesn’t do anything, because they’re idiots.
  • So they arrive at super-sweet plague ship world, and happen to land at the exact spot of the exact plague ship that was going to be sent to earth but didn’t on account of the aliens being wacky prank meh-sters. It is hard to overstate how completely mindbogglingly unlikely this is.
  • The crew bust into the ship like Indiana Jones and immediately take their helmets off, presumably because the stupid lights inside were making it too hard to see the clouds of alien microbes they wanted to inhale.
  • One guy maps the ship with super-sweet mapping drones, and, being the guy with the map, is subsequently the only guy to get lost.
  • Another guy is super-freaked about scary aliens and wants nothing more to do with scary aliens, and is subsequently the only guy to cheerfully poke a terrifying alien vagina snake and get eaten.
  • Some scientists attempt to resurrect a severed head that’s been dead for at least thousands of years, because of course attempting to resurrect severed heads is standard practice in anthropology, and this is successful beyond all reason.
  • The android helper guy decides to randomly-but-helpfully infect a crew member with some random black goo he found. This is successful beyond all reason, turning said crew member into a shambling alien zombie thing that is, happily, *not* a terrifying alien vagina snake. Small mercies.
  • This obviously sick guy is immediately set on fire, because that’s how healthcare works in the future. Thanks Obama!
  • Another crew member has a baby terrifying-alien-squid-monster by caesarian, which only hurts a little bit and doesn’t stop her running around and stuff, because being an idiot dulls all pain. I guess she didn’t want to show she was in pain, because then they’d set her on fire as per standard medical procedure under future Obamacare.
  • The helpful android translates a conversation with an alien so successfully that the alien decides to kill everyone, plus earth. And you thought Google translate was bad.
  • The alien takes off in the ship, which makes you wonder what the rest of the ship’s crew was for.
  • The super-sweet spaceship’s captain rams the super-sweet plague ship with his super-sweet spaceship, and two other crew members decide to stay on board and die with him, even though the ship has escape pods, because they’re as sick of the movie as the audience by now.
  • The audience contemplates with satisfaction the sweet embrace of the grave. That’s not a plot point, but a necessary consequence of the plot, so it counts.
  • The alien plague-ship crashes realllllllly slowly, rolling along as if the aliens went to a HEAP of effort on structural stability specifically to allow it to roll.
  • A human runs directly away from the rolling ship and gets squished. Sometimes I see kangaroos doing this with cars - hopping along directly away from the car, instead of off the road. I always comment about what complete idiots kangaroos are, but that’s not really fair because most of them do actually jump off the road instead of along it.
  • (Sometime between the end of this movie and the start of the next one, the last surviving crew member rebuilds the android she knows for a fact is a murderous nutbag, then gets murdered by the murderous nutbag. She was probably super surprised).
  • Essentially the whole crew dies in various idiotic ways, raising the average IQ of the human race by a small but statistically significant amount.
  • The audience file slowly out of the theatre with stunned expression on their faces, wondering how much work with an ice-pick will be needed to cut out the bit of brain containing the memory of this profoundly idiotic movie.
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Treble said:
TLDR

So you haven't watched it.

I was going to say you're probably giving some view off something like IMDB so thanks for confirming <whistle>
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no, I just couldn't be bothered to type even more things that were wrong with it than I'd already written, this guy has written a lot more, and we've both still missed a few.
I do notice that you can't refute any point he's made though. Attack the man, not the subject, tactics of someone who knows he's wrong, but can't admit it to himself.
 
Big Ern said:
no, I just couldn't be bothered to type even more things that were wrong with it than I'd already written, this guy has written a lot more, and we've both still missed a few.
I do notice that you can't refute any point he's made though. Attack the man, not the subject, tactics of someone who knows he's wrong, but can't admit it to himself.
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I've refuted it plenty of times, as have others. You've just chosen to ignore it or change the goalposts when other examples have been given.

For the record I genuinely can't believe you're taking this so seriously <laugh>
 
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Big Ern said:
Would you?
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To be honest, I'm not that bothered on this one <laugh> ... but have followed the debate on here with interest... and amusement ...

Did enjoy the first Alien film tbf ...

However can't claim to be an aficionado...

Also, Star Wars wasn't my thing - not sure I've seen one all the way through...

Our diversity is what makes the film thread a good'un.. :emoticon-0105-wink:
 
FosseFilberto said:
To be honest, I'm not that bothered on this one <laugh> ... but have followed the debate on here with interest... and amusement ...

Did enjoy the first Alien film tbf ...

However can't claim to be an aficionado...

Also, Star Wars wasn't my thing - not sure I've seen one all the way through...

Our diversity is what makes the film thread a good'un.. :emoticon-0105-wink:
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Wouldn't call myself one either, Alien is a good film, Aliens is a great film, 3 is ok, a bit of a re-run of 1, 4 is a fluff movie that doesn't take itself seriously. Prometheus one the other hand, is a pretentious pile of **** that tries to be clever but as the writers only idea to move the plot forward is to have a character make the most implausibly stupid decision at every turn, it's mind numbingly stupid.
 
Sounds like i made a good choice not watching prometheus.

Sounds more even more far fetched than Boris Johnson being a good kind man
 
luvgonzo said:
Personally I'd have taken off and nuked the site from orbit.
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It's the only way to be sure.
The crew of Prometheus would have died on transit when one of the 'best in their field' scientists pulled the pin out of a grenade to see if it tasted better than the crayons he'd been eating earlier, and the explosion destroyed the ship.
 
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