Off Topic Festive insults thread

[sb_73]

just heard a couple on the radio which were new to me and made me laugh out loud:

'As much use as tits on a fish'

And the brilliant

'He climbed into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking'

Open to bids.

 

[UTRs]

Is your ass jealous of the amount of sh!t that just came out of your mouth?

 

[Uber_Hoop]

I trust her about as far as I could lift her.

 

[UTRs]

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

 

[UTRs]

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

[UTRs]

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

 

[qprbeth]

"I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you"

 

[Sutfol]

You'll never be the man your mother was

 

[sheffordqpr]

You have a mouth as big as a cows got c&nt!
Your arse is so big, you could play f&cking cartoons on it!
Everyone has the right to have a face that looks live in, but yours has had squatters!

 

[Didley Squat]

If l wanted to hear from an assole, l would of farted!
or
Useless as tits on a bull.
or
I've seen better heads on a beer.
or
Thats got a head like a smacked assole.

 

[Taffvalerowdy]

If men were dominoes, you'd be a double blank

 

[KentGaz]

You're a complete and utter ted

 

[Uber_Hoop]

She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

 

[Wherever]

You have the mind of a Chelsea supporter

 

[Rangers Til I Die]

Millwall. Nuff said.