England v Tunisia match thread

So this Sunday sees England take on Tunisia in their opening group game.

Gareth Southgate has seemingly done the impossible by making Woy, the saviour of palace, Hodgson look and sound interesting.

The England players have been taking in the sights of Russia but avoiding the tea

Henderson is likely to start instead of Dier in the hope that the scousers would be too busy cheering him on to boo stirling...who will be gunning to prove he is not just made to look good by De Bruyne and co.

As Walker is close friends with Rose he's been tasked to hide his Mars Bars.

As captain Kane has voiced the teams concerns that Dele looks a serious dick modelling boo hoo clothes.

Their are no cliques in the squad namely cos there are no prick in it called Terry, Beckham, Cole, Ferdinand or Gerrard.

There is a quiet confidence that England will be less **** than they were in 2010, 2012, 2014 and 2016 ... that's all due to Walcott and the Granny Shagger not being there...allegedly.

Vardy is desperate to qualify through the group so he can play Japan in the knockout rounds
England's main tactic will be to kick it to Walker and Rose and hope they can run really fast and kick the ball near Kane.

Plan b is to give the ball to Walker and Rose and hope they run really fast and kick the ball near Vardy.

Plan c is to pray Cahill ain't able to play

Everyone will be eagerly watching on Sunday ... except those who workfor the RSPCA who are expecting a lot of reports post match from distraught kids about how daddy had just kick the cat through the front room window while screaming "SEE STONE, SEE HOW EASY IT IS TO CLEAR THE FECKING BALL"

Enjoy the match and remember a kicking a beloved pet cos of a lost football match is never ok...
























unless you've just lost a local derby.

 

It's Monday mate so sorry didn't get past that

 

Yeah me too lol...I was like 'it's Monday' **** reading this

You know I love y' RCL but c'mon man get the basics right we got standards

 

Yeah exactly mate, I kinda hate doing it to rcl but I'd be disappointed in myself if I didn't.

 

RCL do you know what's happening Monday?

 

If that was Skiddy, Matthew..well ok not Matthew, can't be doing with Matthburn...if that was someone like Skiddy, he would have got destroyed by the lads.

RCL is in credit...so a quite word will suffice.

 

England only ever had one decent side and decent manager and that was 1990 before most these fooks were born.

 

It's the day he will be doing his Tuesday jobs

 

I was gonna point out that in some place it would still be be Sunday...but in truth my true response is

 

But these fooks deserve our backing...I'm likeing the squad and the relaxed environment around it. All that pressure and squad bickering because the top4 players are comparing dicks..none of that.

 

Trust me, that typo is probably going to be more interesting than the game.

 

I'd expect nothing less mate

 

Presumably you weren't born in 1996 then, when we took the Dutch apart before inevitably losing to the Krauts on penalties?

2 years later in France, were you dead ffs?

 

So this time around it's we're **** so we're going to pretend we don't care until one of the ****ers gets sent off or misses a sitter to get you knocked out and only then will we publicly annihilate the ****er.

I would fear for Cahills mental health but he's hardened to it and not intelligent enough to understand. I think it's going to be Rashford this time around getting a silly red in the 1/4rs.

 

You'll be cheering for England too Taff, don't pretend you won't.

We'll be representing the diddy nations too you know

 

It's always good if you progress a bit first, no good getting knocked out in the group, that's no fun I want a disallowed goal and a controversial red card before some poor **** misses a pen.

 

In all honesty though @Archers Road the way it's gone for me in previous tournaments is that I tune in to see how England will do and I don't mind if you win at all but then you end up playing such ****e footy that it pisses me off and I want you out.

 

My money is on Ali for the pen miss and subsequent career in Pizza ads

 

It's gonna be different this time - it's our year