I tried to take my own life in 2013. I'd split up with my ex after I found out she had been cheating on me. I hated my job, I disliked living in Harrogate and was being paid bugger all for a job that asked me to work far too hard and expected far too much. I returned home to East Yorkshire and began drinking heavily. I put on weight, became reclusive and harmed myself daily, both psychologically, chemically and physically. Even with the support of my family and friends, it was like this darkness I couldn't shake off. Everything just seemed pointless, I didn't really feel like I had anything to live for. I felt like a failure, I hadn't lived up to family expectations and my friends were all earning more than me, even though I'd been to university and worked like sod to get a high enough degree. I went up to the woods behind my house with a lot of pills. I sat and looked up at the stars for three hours. My parents were away, my brother was at university, the dog was asleep. Everything went through my mind, the life I'd had so far, everything that had led up to that moment. I had always blamed everything else, and when you allow yourself to be the victim, you can justify doing horrible things. I had been angry at the world for failing me, but I had it all wrong. I shouldn't have expected anything, I took my intelligence for granted, hoping I'd fall into something great instead of working hard for happiness instead of settling. I decided no more.
I took a job as the hotel manager of the Fox and Coney, offered to me by a friend. I told him of my problems and a group of people rallied around me. I stopped drinking so much, I went to the gym, I found myself a partner. I worked 96 hours a week for £1000 a month, but the support of my family (they encouraged me to go to therapy) took the edge off. The therapy was brilliant, I was told I had a mild form of MPD, but that it could be controlled with willpower and strength (and initially, some meds which calmed me down). I dubbed the other personality 'the monster', an angry, rage filled thing that mentally I had to keep locked away. It sounds daft, but visualising the problem in my head helped keep it at bay.
I got married in 2017, we own a couple of houses, I trained to be a primary school teacher and we are now expecting our first child. I've been lucky enough to travel (jacket free) to places I never thought I'd go to. I found a moral compass and happiness in helping younger generations reach their potential. I'm looking at studying a masters in Parapsychology (I don't mind the jibes from Barca, I can take it
) because I want to. I can honestly say I couldn't be any happier.
But the monster is still there. It's always going to be there. Locked away. But now, instead of fearing it might surface, I take pride in knowing I am in control of my life and everything in it. I can keep a level head, think things through and I feel much more confident talking things out with people I love and trust. My wife is so supportive and understanding and I'll always take the time to listen to others who are struggling; I almost feel obliged to listen.
I don't know why I've ever kept that in, thanks Wes, it really does help talking about it. I don't think men should ever fear being honest and open about mental health issues, but I can understand totally why so many choose to keep it in. Reading back, if I had said that to 18 year old me, I'd have called me a mentalist and laughed.
I just wonder, and I'm just spitballing here, would it be worth having a pinned thread for things like this, where members can pop on and discuss issues? Moderators can delete anything inappropriate and I think it would be a step in the right direction. I know we have both men and women on here, there's no pressure but it might be nice to see if we can open up a dialogue. I want people to know they can PM me at any time if it's personal, if they feel they need somebody to talk to, I'll never laugh or turn anybody away.
Thank you again, you lovely, lovely ****s.
I took a job as the hotel manager of the Fox and Coney, offered to me by a friend. I told him of my problems and a group of people rallied around me. I stopped drinking so much, I went to the gym, I found myself a partner. I worked 96 hours a week for £1000 a month, but the support of my family (they encouraged me to go to therapy) took the edge off. The therapy was brilliant, I was told I had a mild form of MPD, but that it could be controlled with willpower and strength (and initially, some meds which calmed me down). I dubbed the other personality 'the monster', an angry, rage filled thing that mentally I had to keep locked away. It sounds daft, but visualising the problem in my head helped keep it at bay.
I got married in 2017, we own a couple of houses, I trained to be a primary school teacher and we are now expecting our first child. I've been lucky enough to travel (jacket free) to places I never thought I'd go to. I found a moral compass and happiness in helping younger generations reach their potential. I'm looking at studying a masters in Parapsychology (I don't mind the jibes from Barca, I can take it
) because I want to. I can honestly say I couldn't be any happier.But the monster is still there. It's always going to be there. Locked away. But now, instead of fearing it might surface, I take pride in knowing I am in control of my life and everything in it. I can keep a level head, think things through and I feel much more confident talking things out with people I love and trust. My wife is so supportive and understanding and I'll always take the time to listen to others who are struggling; I almost feel obliged to listen.
I don't know why I've ever kept that in, thanks Wes, it really does help talking about it. I don't think men should ever fear being honest and open about mental health issues, but I can understand totally why so many choose to keep it in. Reading back, if I had said that to 18 year old me, I'd have called me a mentalist and laughed.
I just wonder, and I'm just spitballing here, would it be worth having a pinned thread for things like this, where members can pop on and discuss issues? Moderators can delete anything inappropriate and I think it would be a step in the right direction. I know we have both men and women on here, there's no pressure but it might be nice to see if we can open up a dialogue. I want people to know they can PM me at any time if it's personal, if they feel they need somebody to talk to, I'll never laugh or turn anybody away.
Thank you again, you lovely, lovely ****s.
