"Dear Meowthrie"

Careful. I know that Sweep has read some of the defamatory posts on here and will probably, ahem, Sue.

Coat on standby

 

This is starting to get more corny than a Carry-On Film

 

Maybe Hattie Jacques is in charge of the cafe in the Pompey Youth Academy because its so so empty

 

Adam Lallana! Charles Hawtrey! You'll swing from the highest yardarm for this days work, Woopert!

 

Dear Meowthrie

I was on my way to visit relatives recently and my car broke down just before the start of a motorway, 27 miles west of Portsmouth.

Anyway, not knowing where I was, I checked into a cheap B&B and decided to hit the town for the night.

I went to this club, got a drink and hung arond near the edge of the dance floor.
I was minding my own business when this girl walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said
Lola

Although I wouldn't describe myself as the world's most physical guy, she sqeezed me tight and nearly broke my spine.
I'm a well educated person, but I just couldn't understand why she walked like a woman but talked like a man.

Well, we drank pints of Brown Ale [it was a classy town]and danced all night under electric candle light.
Then, just before chucking out time, She actually physically picked me up and sat me on her knee and said "Dear boy won't you come home with me?"

Well, I'm not the world's most passionate bloke - I don't go in for all that soppy crap, but when I looked in her eyes, well I almost fell for this Lola.

But then I came to my senses

I pushed her away, I walked to the door, I fell to the floor, I got down on my knees. Then I looked at her and she at me.

But I'd made my mind up.

Well that's the way that I want it to stay, I thought to myself. And I always want it to be that way for Lola

On the way back to the B&B I started thinking "have I done the right thing?" I mean Girls will be boys and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world. Except, maybe, for Lola.

The thing is Meowthrie, I only left home just a week before, and I'd never ever kissed a woman before. But when Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said "Dear boy, I'm gonna make you a man" I nearly cacked myself.

You see, I'll admit I'm not the world's most masculine man. But the thing is I know what I am in the bed, I'm a man. The trouble is; so is Lola.

I'm confused.

Yesterday she sent me a text asking to meet up at the same club next week-end. Do you think I should go?


[with sincere apologies to The Kinks and any fans reading!]

 

Holy doolee, a deilicate matter.

 

All sounding a bit Kink-y.

I met a few 'Lola's' out in Thailand, they promised to love me long time...

 

This bloke was on a bus in Thailand when a gorgeous looking young lady got on and sat next to him. The guy was wearing really tight shorts and started to get worried. 'Please don't get a stiffy, please don't get a stiffy' he kept whispering to himself.


But she did!

 

There is no weirder sight than being in a nightclub in Patong resort in Phuket, seeing lots of young Thai ladies in cute little dresses and they've all got the one-eyed monster protruding at the front of their dresses. And then they start brushing past you as you are dancing...