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Off Topic Damsel in distress...

Discussion in 'The Premier League' started by Deleted 123456, Oct 19, 2017.

?

Who should I bang?

Poll closed Oct 20, 2017.
  1. Libby's Leg

    27.3%
  2. Dick Tape Stew

    36.4%
  3. Hoddle is a Genital

    90.9%
  4. The Dull Bull

    36.4%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Skylarker

    Skylarker PL High Commissioner

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    With the other teeth I've accumulated over the years :bandit:
     
    #21
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  2. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    <laugh><ok>
     
    #22
  3. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    I think I might have referenced this on the forum before but there is an old Apache legend of a man who fought against a monster called "the kicking monster".

    This was back in the days before women had vaginas. (Yes, Apaches believed women didn't use to have vaginas... No, I don't know where they though babies came from.back then).

    Kicking Monster had some daughter's. They were the only women in the world with vaginas. He kept them in a hut filled with vaginas. There were vaginas on the floor, vaginas on the wall... Each of his daughter's had a vagina too.

    Anyhow... Naturally there were a lot of men who would come to look for these vaginas... But there is a catch, and this is where @Skylarker and his tooth filled penis made me think of the legend: each of the vaginas would be filled with teeth

    Kicking Monster would kick men into the hut and the vaginas would all pounce on him and eat him up.

    The hero of the story, whose name I don't recall, but I'll call him HIAG just to make it fit the forum, was one of these men that came along wanting to sample the pussay. He didn't get eaten though. On the way to kicking monsters place he met an old woman who warned him of the dangers and gave him some sour berries. She told him to feed the berries to the vaginas before copulating with them.

    So HIAG, or whatever his name was, made his way to the hut with the sour berries. Kicking Monster on cue kicked him in and the vaginas began to circle. HIAG said "before you eat me, try these berries". He gave the vaginas each a berry, they were so sour it made the teeth all fall out.

    When the vaginas tried to eat HIAG they ended up just ****ing him instead because they no longer had teeth. HIAG triumphantly left the hut, killed kicking monster, rounded up all the vaginas and tool them back to his village where he distributed toothless vaginas to all the women.

    Some tried placing them on their heads, or their hands but eventually everyone agreed that they were better placed between the legs.

    ... And everyone lived happily ever after.




    ... Real Apache myth, no kidding. Can Google apache kicking monster myth if anyone doubts me. <laugh>
     
    #23
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  4. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    ^Well there's a milk classic.

    Have to say I don't know what to make of that.
     
    #24
  5. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    It's not mine. Real myth. I first read it in a textbook I had for world religion back in my school days. We didn't actually study that myth but when I saw "vaginas" listed in the index of the book I had to see what that was about. <laugh>
     
    #25
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  6. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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  7. Skylarker

    Skylarker PL High Commissioner

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    I have dreams like that.
     
    #27
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
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  8. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    You have dreams about tooth filled vaginas?
     
    #28
  9. Skylarker

    Skylarker PL High Commissioner

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    Yeah mate, not specifically toothy vaginas, just really random ****. Quite regularly too.
     
    #29
  10. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    Dmt has probably caused that, not even taking the piss.

    In fact, hallucinogenics in general probably don't alter dreams but make them more vibrant and more memorable <ok>
     
    #30
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  11. Skylarker

    Skylarker PL High Commissioner

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    Yeah plus all the other ****e over the years. It's definitely had an effect, I don't mind it though. More time off work as the nights feel longer <laugh>
     
    #31
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  12. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    I haven't had a dream that I've remembered upon waking in years... There again I have aphantasia so my dreams probably suck compared to most people's anyway.
     
    #32
  13. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    Had to google that. Didn't even know it was a thing.

    So if somebody says, 'imagine a spider' are you not able to form a mental image of a spider ?
     
    #33
  14. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    We had this discussion before didn't we?

    Hard to imagine having that tbh.
     
    #34
  15. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    Did we ?

    If you can't imagine things, then I guess it would be hard to imagine that <whistle>
     
    #35
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  16. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    I didn't know it was a thing until about 18 months ago either... <ok>. It took reading an article of someone describing their condition to realise I had a condition.

    I went over 30 something years not realising people could form pictures in their mind. <laugh>. I thought everyone was like me.

    No can't form picture of spider in my head.

    Suddenly things like "counting sheep" and the expression "minds eye" made more sense. Always thought counting sheep seemed really dumb didn't realise people could actually form a picture of them... Or picture yourself in your happy place... <laugh>
     
    #36
  17. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    My main concern would be the lack material in my **** bank.

    How the **** did you get through your teenage years ?
     
    #37
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  18. Burly Hurley

    Burly Hurley Well-Known Member

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    I didn't realise that was a thing.

    Googled it, saw test and failed it.

    You live and learn.
     
    #38
  19. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    I imagined scenarios (what would happen ... Not actually pictures), what I would do, how the camel would respond to my touch... That kind of thing.
     
    #39
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
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  20. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    <laugh>

    You know a camel toe doesn’t actually belong to a real camel.
     
    #40
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