Criminal Record

Anyone got one? I don’t mean a vinyl by The Police.

If so, what did you do and what punishment did you get?

Or what have you done and got away with?

 

I have applied for a new job and have to have a DBS check as part of it - I was a scamp when I was younger and I did get clipped around the ear by the fuzz a couple of times so I was ****ting myself a little if I'm honest.

Got the certificate in the post today saying that I have no record at all - I'm planning to frame it.

 

Setting fire to the Parkies hut ( he was still in it) when I was a kid. We all got nicked but it never got to court, so doubt there’s a record.

Drunk and disorderly when I was in my 20’s. Spent the night in Chelsea nick.

 

Had another drb check recently for football coaching.

Something 'came up'.

Knew what it would be, couldn't believe it was actually still on record.

About 30 years ago one Easter weekend in ****ing Southport, 'pleasure' beach a Scouse **** asked a mate of mine what time it was.

Next thing you know, having answered in a Salford accent, we were being attacked by ten of the ****s on Southport beach. There were four of us, typical Pool fan style.

Later on, driving though Southport, we saw them and dickhead me jumped out of my mates Ford Fiesta with an adjustable spanner and was promptly nicked on the spot by dibble. Bang to rights, possession of an offensive weapon with intent!


The next bit suspends belief but I swear to God is true.

The following day, we had Liverpool at home and we could see the ****ers in the scoreboard end (the old standing away end pitch side) They recognised us too, we were in the next pen in the United Rd terrace!! Was mad.

Anyway, we won one nil with a very rare Peter Davenport goal. Mega!

Grobbelaar later lied by claiming he couldn't save it because he'd broken his arm, or another such bollocks.

Yeah, Bruce. Ok.

 

Best goalkeeper money could buy

 

Set fire to a dumped car once and didn't realise how badly it would end up. The ****ing thing blew up and set fire to loads of trees. Never got caught for that.

I used to smuggle DMT back into the UK from South America back when I was a proper psychonaut in my 20's. I used to have big dreadlocks back then, and **** knows how I never got stopped at customs. At the time I thought some higher power was protecting me from the authorities. Looking back I just got lucky.

Got nicked at Stonehenge in around 93/94 (when it was still illegal to turn up on summer solstice) I'd been partying all night and was flying high on E and Acid. There was a line of riot police trying to stop us hippies getting to the stones and I was trying to hand out pills to the old bill and tell them that we were all one big family Got thrown in the back of a meat wagon with a load of other crusties. They let us out after about an hour and told us to **** off home, never got charged with anything.

 

WTF was the defender thinking

 

Probably that's It's only ****ing Peter Davenport, he's ****e.

 

Shoulda went to Blackpool, it's more Utd friendly than dear old Southport.

 

My first away game was man u, got the special from Lime Street, think ours was the first, about two/three hundred on it.
Pulled into Manchester Victoria and there were police waiting(as well as loads of manc hooligans), they took us out under escort, 1 police van in the front, about 3 officers on each side and a mounted police horse at the back of the escort, it was fun from the off mancs on both sides giving it loads.
We got as far as Deansgate and the ****ers charged in from both sides, it was non stop battling and the police had underestimated the size of the Utd mob on the route.
The Arndale was just a building site then so it was a goldmine for bricks and pieces of concrete that came flying in our direction, had to feel sorry for the shoppers caught up in it tbh.
Anyway, the police reinforcements turned up, and the dog handlers set the dogs on us(bastards.), we were matched double time to the ground, when we got through the Warwick Rd gauntlet there were hundreds of Utd fans waiting for us outside the Scoreboard End we stuck together and started to get through the turnstiles (pay in on the day back then)so there were mancs inside the Scoreboard concourse, it was ****ing crazy the police did their best but it was like the Alamo.
We were split into two mobs by then and the ones I was with managed to get onto the terracing behind the goal, as soon as I saw daylight I got punched on the side of the head so threw one back and then Booooommm! I got kicked to **** and was falling backwards as it was happening, I ended up with my back on the white picket fence that used to surround the OT pitch, full of blood, no buttons on my shirt and the coppers pitch side ragged me on to the pitch and pushed my arm up my back and the ****s arrested me.
I got charged with "breach of the peace and threatening behaviour likely to cause a riot", missed the game, spent 10 hours in Stretford nick holding cell and had to make my way back to Victoria at 10 o'clock that night with two other Scousers and a Utd fan that had been released when we had, fair play to him, took us all the way and told us to watch out for City fans who had played Everton but we're still around the station.
Bottom line, court appearance at Strangeways Magistrates Court on the 2nd of January and a large fine at the time of £40 quid and banned from attending games in Manchester for 2 years.
Anyway we got beat that day(Davies and McDougall)so I'm glad I got beat up and arrested.

 

Drunk and disorderly in 1981, my birthday. Fined £15.
Breach of the peace, having it with some West Ham fans in 1985. Fined £200.

 

Sounds eventful.

 

It was eventful and very ****ing painful.

 

My D&D was a farce.

I went from Chelsea nick to Horsferry road in an old Black Maria. I had the mother of all hangovers and felt like **** - just wanted to get it over with so I could sleep.
So, the PC Plod reads out the charges and I’m asked how I plead. ‘I’m not sure’ says I. Well, you’ve heard the officer are you guilty or not guilty? ‘I’m really not sure about this, I don’t remember doing all that’. Mr...you’ve heard the evidence, you have to enter a plea. ‘But I was drunk’ says I...up pops the chief beak and says, ‘well that’s guilty then, isn’t it’? ‘Alright, guilty then says I’ head still pounding.

They put their heads together and up comes fined £15. Would you like time to pay? ‘Yes please’. How long would you like? ‘5 minutes’ says I, to outbreaks of tittering in the court. As I’m leaving I hear...’ come back Mr....Chief beak stares intently at me and says ‘we don’t encourage levity in this court’

 

No record


plenty Albums

 

Theft in late 80s, a few of us had a scam in a big West End shop

Only two of us got caught, one pal blagged enough for deposit on a house!

We got 200 hours community service

 

Had about half a dozen cautions as a wee lad.
Possession of Cannabis, Arson (I set fire to a car), Shoplifting (two or three times).
But no charges, and I think everything you did as a minor is wiped from the record when you hit 18 anyway.
As an adult I have never so much as had a parking ticket.

 

There's some naughty people on this forum. Santa might not be visiting if he reads all this.