So - on a serious, non piss-taking note. What are you going to do with yourself now? When the only decent local round here went down the pan, I stopped going out locally. Tried the others for a short while, but it wasn't the same, even though some of the old regulars tried them.
It was horrible. In total darkness. Have to go to the Grange to get my baccy tonight. No atmosphere, no crack, no fun. Ah well, all good things come to an end.
Have you considered the fact that maybe the Cheese isn't really closed. Maybe it's all just a con to keep you away?