Calling all Weegies

You'll get flung aboot like a wet tracksuit ya ****...

 

Not by you, pussy boy.

 

Aye, Nigel, right your are

 

You will feel the full weight of.................um Pud's substantial weight.

 

Pussy boy!

Widne talk like that in Glesga or you wull get stabbed.

Try .......ya fud

 

Me

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You

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You'll get battered harder than a red headed step child....

 

...and they'll buy him a pint. We need to educate Archers in Glaswegian etiquette.

 

And the correct use of the word **** ... it is dependant on the situation.

 

You can't wind me up you bunch of ****s.

Much.

 

Correct. It's complex and is as subtle as it is sublime. Get it wrong and ye lose yer teeth very quickly

 

Aw ye need tae no, is the quickest wiy tae the royal in a joe baxi.... and nae english notes ya ****.

 

Pay attention son this stuff may save your life.

 

Also, be very careful of the usage of "big man" and "wee man". Only sometimes do those phrases refer to physical size. At other times it's a ****in minefield for the unwary.

If in doubt do a pretend faint and they'll think they better help the Nigel

 

Just found out our local pub takes Irish notes and Euros.

 

I'm sure my dulcet tones will win me many friends in Glasgow.

Although I once silenced an entire pub in Stoke on Trent just by ordering 3 pints of lager, so **** knows what'll happen on the wrong side of hadriens wall.

 

Never and I mean NEVER make eye contact wea a drunk ****.

You will end up.

1/ With his face in yours getting a spit shower while he screams wit the **** are you looking at ya fud/****/bam etc etc etc

Or

B/ Buying him drink all night and listening to his life story before you go back to his and are not allowed to leave for four months or until the cargo runs out.

 

Here's yer get out of jail free card:

Just say "Away ye go, ya bam" and then chuckle (important: don't laugh, just chuckle - I can't stress that enough)

That phrase (with chuckle) will get you out of all kinds of trouble and probably win you new Glaswegian friends who will buy you beer instead of kicking yer **** in.

 

No need to worry.

Weegies are a bunch of ****ebags. When the Aberdeen Casuals formed in the early 80's to give the tims and huns a taste of their own medicine they shat it and went running to the filth.

Just be careful of Bin Lorries. That's the biggest danger in the Beirut of the North.

 

Ignore this **** Archer. He is a double fud. A Nigel fea Aberdeen.

That's like being black and Irish. FUBAR