Police arrested two Newcastle fans yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Wife says to husband "u only ever want sex when ur drunk"husband says "thats nt true....... sometimes i want a kebab"
A young Arab asks his father: - What is this weird hat that we are wearing. Why, it's a "chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun! And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body! And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet? These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert! Tell me, papa? - Yes, my son?- Then, why the f**k are we living in Perth..?
A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call...done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike
Descartes was at the bar having a drink. Seeing he was nearly finished the barman asked if he wanted another. The reply to which was 'I think not'. The barman then glanced back to an empty stool. After lighting a post-coital cigarette the chicken turns to the egg and says 'thats solved that one then'.
In his first press conference MON was asked 'Do you think you can save Sunderland'?, he replied, 'I've more chance of saving the euro'
Oldie but Goldie. 53,000 Geordies meet in the Sports Direct Arena for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention. Alan Shearer addresses the crowd "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please". Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds Gazza says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance". So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Nine?" Shearer looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and wave their hands shouting "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!" Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, "What is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium. Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?" Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream.................. "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
