Big Vern's blog

Problem solved big feller:

http://www.wikihow.com/Shave-Your-Genitals-(Male)

 

I gave my bolly bag a shave a while ago using a beard trimmer.

Decided not to use the guard and went freestyle.

Big mistake.

Nicked my nut sack with the bastarding thing, not something I would recommend to anyone.

 

Did the missus know you'd used her trimmer?

If she finds out, you'll be lucky to still have any knackers left.

 

It was your missus' trimmer that caused the damage, tell her she needs a new one and also tell her thanks for the application of Sudocrem.

Such lovely soft hands.

 

She can bugger off. I use it for the hedge.

Does a lovely job it does.

 

Took the plunge and went with the three pass system - with the grain, across the grain and against the grain.

Top job

 

And remember ...
Max Factor Knacker Lacquer
Adds a lustre to your cluster.

 

It should make you go even faster in your time trials

 

. . . and manufactured by 'Hangers'!

 

Yeah, I used my Missus' toothbrush the other day and Christ did she go off, but, seriously, how else are you going to get dog-s hit off the soles of your trainers?

 

I have recently been visiting David Lloyd and using the spa facilities. I have been chatting with a middle aged lady who is clearly not short of a bob or two and way out of my league. I decided to ask her out for a coffee thinking she can only say yes or no.

To my surprise she said she would be delighted so we are meeting up in the week for lunch. I saw her in the car park driving away in a Mercedes sports car.
Big Vern's luck may be about to change.

 

Good luck Vern
Keep us posted will you
Remember !!!
Faint heart never won fair maiden

 

Mercedes? Ben's? Watch out, it may be his missus, which may cause him to turn on his world-class swearing mode.

 

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes? Ben's?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes? Ben's?

 

I was trying to figure out how Ben's missus could afford a Merc.

Then I remembered.

She flogged the contents of his shed.

 

Met the lady from the David Lloyd spa for a coffee and got on like a house on fire. She has invited me over to her place tomorrow evening for dinner.

Luck is changing and tomatoes are turning red.

 

Does anyone recall listening to The Paul Hunsley Electric wireless show - circa 1979/80

 

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Where have you been? and what did the cougar do with you for two weeks?

 

He was on Humberside pre Viking presenting The Paul Hunsley Electric Wireless Show......He took the name Hunsley from the FM transmitter site at High Hunsley!

Elliot Opel did the Hull City reporting