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Bates on Trial

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Sep 2, 2011.

  1. Brizzlewhite

    Brizzlewhite Well-Known Member

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    Shock! Leaked documents show that Ken is relying on mental incapacity for his defence; in a letter entitled 'Programme Notes for every game in the 2011-12 Season' he says that apparently "The jury are all 'morons' who can't possibly understand football like he does nor appreciate the true genius of his business dealings and he is only acting in our his best interests and those of <insert name of current team I manage>. And I'd have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those pesky fans".

    In other news, he's suing the makers of 'Smurfs 3D' for image rights violations.
     
    #41
  2. tommylion

    tommylion Active Member

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    Just because the Jury's out - I'm not getting mine out as well!!! - Now, put the defendant in handcuffs!!!
     
    #42
  3. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    The jailer Big Boab wrestlers Bates to the floor where .....
     
    #43
  4. Farsleyexile

    Farsleyexile Well-Known Member

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    Bates,unseen by the court,slips a rolled wad of £20 notes in Jailer Boabs pocket."Help me out of this jailer,there`s more where that came from" he whispered"you know you can trust me!"
    Will jailer Boab be corrupted by this wily old git?He drags the now cuffed Bates to his feet,what will he decide?.....
     
    #44
  5. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Boab grabs the wad of 20's from Bates's sweaty palms, as he does so Bates wrestles himself free, and the money goes everywhere. As the Wiley Bates tries to escape through the back door, Farsleyexile spots him and .....
     
    #45
  6. aldershot lion

    aldershot lion Member

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    says"**** him - i'm going for the money"<whistle>
     
    #46

  7. TC (Lovely Geezer)

    TC (Lovely Geezer) Well-Known Member

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    An argument breaks out amongst the defense.
    It appears that Mr Bates has not paid his legal costs, and the defense are threatening to quit.

    Order resumes after Mr Bates explains that the defense made an admin error by billing him, as all costs are to be paid by his small Company in Northern England!!
     
    #47
  8. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Bemused by Mr Bates' previos remarks, Judge Pags asks the defendant to qualify his remarks .....
     
    #48
  9. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Court Adjourns
    -------------------------------------------

    The next days, Bates was joined in the dock by LovelyGeezer who had also been charged with crimes against Leeds United (in particular winding BigBoab up in athread involving Terry Hurlock). As they pressed up against each other (to keep warm), Judge Pags enters the room; a deadly silence fills the Court. Mightwall gets to his feet, and approaches the bench, and says ........
     
    #49
  10. Spanish white

    Spanish white Active Member

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    Bring back hanging....
     
    #50
  11. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    The defense counsel suggesting they should hang his own client did confuse Judge Pags. She sends mightywall back to his seat to call there first witness. As wall returns to his seat, he turns to the bench, and says, I would like to call my first witness .......
     
    #51
  12. TC (Lovely Geezer)

    TC (Lovely Geezer) Well-Known Member

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    BigFatGoab.....................


    The witness is then sent back as he could not fit on the stand..................
     
    #52
  13. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Boab decides to breathe in, and squeezes his way into the stand. Geezers legs were trembling with fear as Boab looks over to him. Mightywall starts his cross examinination. Mr Boab, I put it to you that both defendants are victims of circumstance and are infact decent law abiding men, Boab jumps off his seat and ......
     
    #53
  14. Penshawdave

    Penshawdave Well-Known Member

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    ...asks to be excused while he goes to the loo. His bladder having been abused for many years with the bogus alcohol at Elland Road has finally refused to hold any more.

    He returns later with a smile on his face having met Judge Pags in the corridor who advised him to.....
     
    #54
  15. TC (Lovely Geezer)

    TC (Lovely Geezer) Well-Known Member

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    Lets out an almighty haggis smelling fart that knocks Judge Nora off her feet....................................
     
    #55
  16. Farsleyexile

    Farsleyexile Well-Known Member

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    `you disgusting peasant Bloboab,fined £30 for contempt of court`
    `your honour,who do i make the cheque payable to?`
     
    #56
  17. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Pags replies, you may make the cheque payable to hull city fc, they are a charity case, then you are dismissed from court you smelly git. Call your next witness Mightywall she screams, as she takes a seat on her bench
     
    #57
  18. aldershot lion

    aldershot lion Member

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    not realising tc had placed a loaded whoppee cushion ready for when pags sat down!!! <whistle>
     
    #58
  19. Farsleyexile

    Farsleyexile Well-Known Member

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    Me lord my name is Clive Time,i generally talk a load of ****e,may i bore the court-room ****less with repetative dross?
     
    #59
  20. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Can one deduce from this that Mr White does not like the defendant? Please find him innocent as we don't wnat any more of your convicts down here!!! (I think I was the last one :laugh:)
     
    #60

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