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Try not to spend too long in the khazi, don't sit there "reading the articles" or updating your Grinder profile for hours on end. If you have to force the Richard out instead of it dropping into the pan without a strain then you need to eat more fibre. A loose stool is a good stool but if you have a stool with three legs see a proctologist. It is advisable when dropping the kids off at the pool to have your feet raised off the floor whilst sat on the pan, the most favourable dumping position would be the full squat but as we are civilised and not French it is hard to achieve the optimum stance whilst seated. I've had the dangleberries before and used the usual over the counter stuff like Preparation H and Anusol but smearing my ring with goo had the unfortunate side effect of giving me the horn and usually ended up in a pokey-bum-w*nk scenario. Don't try to cut them off or burst them, they are not zits and any sort of open wound in or around your ring piece is an invitation to infection. Don't engage in any sort of poovery either for obvious reasons. Unless you need to lose weight quickly of course.
