awful joke thread

O

old timer

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Aug 17, 2014
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Hi folks life seems to be pretty miserable at this present time for all supporters. Don't want to offend anyone but I hope this just might cheer people up a thread of awful jokes

A Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and an Irishman worked on a high rise tower block, when they stopped for lunch the Englishman had Ham in his sandwiches the Scotsman had Cheese the Welshman had cucumber and the Irishman had Egg. The Englishman said if I have the same tomorrow I will jump off the building the Scotsman Welshman and the Irishman also had the same fillings as they had had for months on end.
The following day they are are opening the sandwich boxes when the Englishman hurls himself off the building closely followed by the Scotsman Welshman and the Irishman.
They all go to the funerals of the Englishman Scotsman and the Welshman consoling the Widows and families but when they get to the Wake of the Irishman they decided to really talk to each other.
The Wife of the Englishman said if he wanted something different in his lunch box all he had to do was say and the Scotsman's and the Welshman's wives agreed, but the Irishman's wife said Paddy made his lunch box up
 
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Donald Trump, The pope, Nicola Sturgeon, Boris Johnson and a ten year old boy were on a plane. They were informed that there were problems with the plane and they should bale out. Trump said I need to save America grabbed a chute and jumped. The Pope said I have to save the Catholic church grabbed a chute and jumped. Nicola Sturgeon said I am the most intelligent Woman in Scotland grabbed a bag and jumped. Boris said to the ten year old boy I have lived a long time you are just starting your life take the Chute and live and the boy said there are two chutes left the woman who said she was the most intelligent woman in Scotland grabbed my school bag
 
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Last week, a lorry carrying Vicks Vapor Rub collided with one carrying Olbas Oil on the M27 near Southampton. Both vehicles shed their loads...

...Strangely, there was no congestion whatsoever.
 
A primary school teacher tells her class that she is a Bristol City fan. She then says 'Put your hands up if you are a Bristol City fan'. All the class raise their hand except for one little boy. The teacher says' Why didn't you put your hand up? Don't you support Bristol City?' He replies ' No miss, I'm a Bristol Rovers fan'. The teacher asks him why, to which he replies,' My Dad is a Bristol Rovers fan, my Mum is a Bristol Rovers fan, so I am a Bristol Rovers fan'. The teacher says, 'Just because your Mum and Dad are Bristol Rovers fans, that doesn't mean you have to be one aswell. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drunken bum. What would that make you?' The boy looked up and said ' THEN I'd be a Bristol City fan!!'
 
Leicester council, lets build a car park on this bit of ground Richard the 3rd over my dead body
 
GreatWesternGas said:
A primary school teacher tells her class that she is a Bristol City fan. She then says 'Put your hands up if you are a Bristol City fan'. All the class raise their hand except for one little boy. The teacher says' Why didn't you put your hand up? Don't you support Bristol City?' He replies ' No miss, I'm a Bristol Rovers fan'. The teacher asks him why, to which he replies,' My Dad is a Bristol Rovers fan, my Mum is a Bristol Rovers fan, so I am a Bristol Rovers fan'. The teacher says, 'Just because your Mum and Dad are Bristol Rovers fans, that doesn't mean you have to be one aswell. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drunken bum. What would that make you?' The boy looked up and said ' THEN I'd be a Bristol City fan!!'
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Well, at least the proportional figures were accurate in this !!! <laugh>
 
I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman:

"I'd like to buy a motorhome."

He said "Camper?"

I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweety."
 
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