Ashes

Cook, KP, Root, Prior all drastically out of form.

Carberry played well and Bell is class but where are runs going to come from?

We're ****ed and could very well get beaten 5-0.

 

****ing hell, in my mildly drunk state I scanned through that and thought you were suggesting Swansea were gonna beat us 5-0.

And then thankfully, I realised you were talking about something too boring to give a **** about!!

 

Bring them home.

They're an embarrassment.

 

That's the best idea I've heard. Being here in Oz is not a good place to be with these annoying lot, luckily no one has said anything yet. If we win it though after playing so ****e (highly unlikely I know) it'll be so fun!!!!

 

What am I waking up to? I'm just too despondent to go and look what's happening. I'll be better off at work.

 

The BBC sums it up perfectly:

The day in 50 words

In a word - shambles. Poor shots before lunch then mayhem from Mitchell.
Five wickets to Johnson in the blink of an eye. England shot down for 172.
What, no follow-on? Clarke rubbing it in and resting his quicks.
Two early wickets then Warner makes merry. Australia lead 530.
Goodbye Ashes?

 

Tossers.

 

There will be a new urn next year containing the "Äshes" of dead English Cricketers - HaHaHaHaHa! It will be the size of a 44 Gallon Drum! HaHaHaHaHa!

 

Just to cap it off.

Went to bed at 3am only to be woken up at 5 by what can only be described as the noisiest ****ing squirrel( best case scenario) or possibly rat( worse case) scuttling and banging about in my loft.

Big Daddy having a grapple with Giant Haystacks would have made less noise.

Consequently I am now utterly ball bagged.

I'm not staying up and depressing myself tonight.

It's a ****ing shambles.

 

Prior has to go.

Even if Bairstow only manages 20 to 30 runs an innings it's a lot more than Prior is contributing at the minute.

I'd drop Root for Balance, Prior for Bairstow and Panesar for Bresnan.

Is Bresnan fit?

 

S'funny you know, I don't remember these comments during the last few Ashes contests.

 

Our dominance of the past few years is coming to a shuddering halt.

We have won 4 out of the last 5 Ashes, it couldn't go on forever.

 

What's worse is Perth is usually nailed on as an Aussie win.

 

Surely the worst case scenario would be a honey badger?

 

They aren't indigenous to this country.

Neither are chimpanzees.

I've rang the pest control bloke and he's coming 'round on Monday.

I'm ****ed if I'm going up there.

 

An escapee then. Add seething resentment to ultra sharp teeth and murderous claws. I'd give it a wide berth.

 

I think it'll be a squirrel.

I'm also thinking of sending my son up to have a look.

He said he'd do for it for a fiver.

 

That's because we had nothing to gloat about - but we have now!

 

I thought you were an English ex-pat?

 

Of course Australia will play well at some point - hitting things and running away, it's the criminal mentality.