Bloody hell, i have just had a near death experience at the hands of the Missus, after watching the Golf for 11 hours on BBC2 she exclaimed she was glad that was finished, she went ballistic I told her its on till Sunday.....................just another 3 days to go!!
Me and this woman were having a conversation at a bar. I said “You know my lass left me because i was into kinky sex.” The woman replies: “what a coincidence, my husband left me because i’m also into kinky sex. You know what, I have an idea, why don’t we go back to my place and get a little kinky?” I agreed and back to hers, she says: “you stay here while i go slip into something a little more comfortable.” So she goes back into the bedroom and comes back out a few minutes later wearing a tight leather corset and carrying a whip, so i said '**** this, i'm off. “What gives?” she says “I thought we were going to get kinky” I said “Well i just ****ed your cat and took a **** in your shoes, thanks, it’s been a lovely evening.”
Someone mentioned it on here a while ago, outside of the top six we're the 'cream of the crap' teams in the premiership!
I once knew a lad who was still living at home & was cheating on his lass, she found out but did not let on, anyway they enjoyed a bit of role play so she tied him to the bed and turned him on with all sorts of dirty talk. When he was hot to trot she straddled him however instead of mounting his dick she proceeded to have a crap on his chest then get dressed and left him to be found by his parents.
Ha Ha bet that went down a treat. Ive found you normally have to pay more for that kind of action though.
Driving back from an away match in the early 70's, on the road from Leeds to Wetherby where it joins the old A1, five of us in a Morris 1100, all steaming drunk, managed to go into a skid on a left hand bend and we all ended up in a field on the right hand side of the road, anything coming the other way would have wiped us out. Right hand passenger door was snapped off but because it has swung open it stopped the car from turning over. We managed to push it back onto the road somehow, and carried on to Wetherby and still really shaken up we went into another pub (of all places, but it seemed like a good idea at the time) where we bumped into some Man u supporters who, unucky for them, had caught us just at the wrong time, needless to say a fight broke out and we were all ejected from the establishment and carried on our merry way back to Sunderland, driving slowly, bruised and battered, seemed funny at the time but its really scary when you think about it now. I still go the match with the same crowd but we have a designated driver these days, and no more fights with opposition supporters unless they're in their 60's same as us like .
