Any new jokes?

Grab your taco; you have pulled a dyslexic Mexican

 

what do you call a chicken in a shell-suit?






























































an egg

 

I bought a book called 'How to become an expert at Origami'.

So far, I've made 1000 paper snowballs

 

knock knock
who's there
ash
ash who
bless you

 

"Don't try and pull the wool over my eyes pal"...He said with a sheepish grin..

 

what do you call a muslim with a shotgun

































sir

 

What do the islamics call their bell ringing service that ends their month of fasting?


The Ramadanadingdong!

 

this guy walked into a bar
he said
































ayar

 

Liverpool FC could save a bit of money by combining their end of season party with the Christmas party.

 

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?





















To get away from Catts.

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Q. Why are turds pointed at the end?

A. To stop your arse shutting with a bang.

 

Porn studios have more clean sheets than Liverpool FC

 

My fine art and fragrances business has failed.
The perfumes sold well, but I didn't really know how to market the paintings I'd bought.

I've got more Monet than scents

 

Here's a bit of advice for anybody looking to make a name for themselves in this world...

Adv

 

Bloke goes to the doctors and the doctor asks " what appears to be the problem?"

The bloke says " I've come to see you about my brother, he thinks he's an orange "

Doctor replies " I really need to see your brother to give a thorough and considered prognosis, where is he?"

Bloke replies " In my pocket "

 

Adv like it.
I bought a 7ft gorilla from the pet shop and asked where does it sleep shopkeeper said anywhere it ****ing wants.

 

Did you hear about the Jewish Kamikaze pilot who crash landed his plane in his brothers scrap yard.

 

Doctor, doctor. One of my testicles is bigger than the other three.

 

Doctor, i have some good news and bad news which do you want first, give me the bad, doctor, we have to amputate your feet, bloody hell whats the good news, Doctor, see that lad in the end bed he will give you 2 quid for your slippers.

 

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything these days.

Earlier today I met a bloke with no legs at the bus station - i said "How are you getting on"