Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.

“Stay where you are,” she said

“He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.

” Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed.

There should only be four

What's going on?”

“Nonsense,” said the wife.

“You're so drunk you miscounted.

Get out of bed and try again.

You can see better from over there.” The husband climbed out of the bed and counted

One, two, three, four

You are right you know
 
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An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it's like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
 
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Ron Burguvdy said:
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Love being the next in the queue, so long as there's 2 serving, and with a smile on my face saying 'regular americano please mate'. Strangely satisfying.

BTW, it's 'can I get', not 'let me get'. If I was the barista, I'm sure I'd sooner or later say "no **** off that's my job". That's partly why I was never a barista I guess.
 
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Gone For A Walk said:
Love being the next in the queue, so long as there's 2 serving, and with a smile on my face saying 'regular americano please mate'. Strangely satisfying.

BTW, it's 'can I get', not 'let me get'. If I was the barista, I'm sure I'd sooner or later say "no **** off that's my job". That's partly why I was never a barista I guess.
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I went into one of the big national coffee house in town one day, asked if I could just have a normal coffee please and she looked at me stupid. Then she asked if I meant an Americano, I said I mean a normal coffee I can put sugar and milk in. After standing looking bewildered at me she went to an older women, said summat to her and the older woman came over and said sorry, they're too young to remember,
I thought what the **** is she working in a coffee house for then?
 
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