Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

Just got home from work, only to see a message on the patio doors.

"The Lawn has been weed killed, so don't go out in bare feet, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF"!

This is what I have to live with

 

The Weather 'Girls' you say?

 

I still don't get why they think a singular item should be called them or they. Surely if they don't want to be he or she then the only option is use it.

 

Nobody wants to be called one of them.

 

My ex would have those 'moments', the best one was when I was running in a motorcycle (tells you how long ago), I got home to find the house locked up and my wife out; rode to in-laws and found out that her and her mum had gone to Cecil Bingo - I went there and got the key from her and rode home, once inside I found a note on the kitchen table that read ''Gone to Bingo with my mum, your key's on the mantle''

 

You're lucky she hadn't had the locks changed. Or maybe not.

 

My Mam and Dad were stood at a bus stop on Hall rerd to go to Tesco. The bus arrives, but Dad being a nosey bastard, was looking the other way at a neighbours house.

Mam got on the bus without realising Dad hadn't. He had to walk the whole way and when he eventually found her...

Well let's just say he was in the ****

 

Castro on his chariot ??

 

If this is the new model electric car, they can shove it up their arse.

 

He's in the wrong lane for his native Leeds.

 

He's taking a risk undertaking that wagon.

 

Given you don't need a license to drive those things I wonder just who else it could possibly be?

 

SW3, or more accurately, Pocklington Tiger continuing with his rather worrying obsession. Predictably another equally sad twat liked his pathetic post.

 

Seeing I was born in Bridlington you are as usual talking utter ****e.

 

Anyone know how you register a world record?

I went Bobsleighing yesterday, and I killed 140 Bobs.

 

I've been paying £5 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year.

I missed 2 payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs.

 

Could have been worse. Could have poked out your cat's eyes.

 

Based on that Tyler Smith won't get here until after the international break!