Match Day Thread AFC Bournemouth v Newcastle United - Match Day Thread

More a 'these aren't the dumps you were looking for.. '

 

Is that the Force Awakening in your pants?

 

"These aren't the rhoids you're looking for."

Ouch.

 

Pahaha

 

Revenge of the ****

 

The diahorrea strikes back.

 

You're meant to sit on the bog - not do handstands!!

 

Shart Wars - The Farting Menace

 

Star Wars IV - A Poo Hope

 

Attack of the Colons

 

How was the dump sweats?
Was at the Premier Inn next to the Worcester Bosch factory the other night.
Was thinking of you.
There were a few Germans with me.

 

You should have got in touch did you go for beer anywhere?

 

Ok, can we get this thread back on topic?

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A hazelnut in every bite? Wow! Two whole hazelnuts - incredible.

 

See this is what happens when you start the match threads with a flippant post. I think you should very quickly post the updated injury list, the betting odds, directions to Bournemouth's ground, their crowd size for their previous matches, the best pub for a beer without getting the shxt kicked out of you (has football violence been invented in Bournemouth yet?) and finally your opinion of how we will do. It's the only guaranteed way to get this thread back on track.

 

The return of the japseye

 

I thought you'd have gone for the original;
A New Hoop

 

That's made me laugh quite a lot.

 

It was a late booking mate so we went to the pub next door.
I'll be back again soon so will give you the heads up in advance.

 

From .com


Bournemouth (a)

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The Magpies make only their fourth competitive visit to what is currently known as The Vitality Stadium aka Dean Court on Saturday. Kick-off is a TV-dictated 12.45pm at the 11,464 capacity venue and Newcastle's 1,268 allocation is completely sold out. That is situated towards the south end of the East Stand along the side of the pitch (pictured above) in blocks 23 & 24, which are accessed through turnstile section F (turnstiles 14,15,16).
This visit will extend our Premier League total of grounds visit to 53, with the Cherries becoming the 46th club to have faced us in that competition. And having drawn one and lost the other two games, the Magpies are searching for a first competitive win here - although they did register a 4-1 success in a friendly visit during April 1967. For anyone who attended our previous games here and feels slightly disorientated, the stadium was rebuilt in 2001 and the pitch rotated by 90 degrees.NUFC: Tim Krul, Karl Darlow, Steven Taylor, Rolando Aarons, Gabriel Obertan and Jack Colback will all definitely miss out, while there's no sign of either Emmanuel Riviere or Sylvain Marveaux returning. Concerns over the fitness of Rob Elliot mean that there's the chance of a competitive club debut for 18 year-old Freddie Woodman - who played a dozen games on loan for League Two Crawley Town earlier this season. And if Elliot isn't able to even go on the bench, then Newcastle will turn to locally-born academy stopper Brendan Pearson for cover. The 18 year-old recently joined in first team training and made his debut at U21 level against Blackburn Rovers back in January. So far this season he's appeared in four reserve games, three U18 fixtures and had a brief loan stint at Gateshead without playing a game for them.
Monday then saw a further injury scare for United, when Massadio Haidara limped out of a reserve game with a leg injury - the severity of which is as yet unknown.

BFC: Eddie Howe has lost a quartet of players to long-term injuries - Tommy Elphick, Callum Wilson, Tyrone Mings and Max Gradel - while Steve Cook and goalkeeper Artur Boruc are both doubtful.One familiar face in the home squad is midfielder Dan Gosling, who joined the Cherries in July 2014 following the expiration of his four year deal at Newcastle. Last Sunday saw Gosling make a 36th appearance for the Cherries - one more than he managed during the entirety of his injury-plagued time on Tyneside.There's also another chance for Magpie followers to shout financially-based abuse at veteran defender Sylvain Distin - closing in on his 38th birthday.

Punts: to follow

Travel: The ground is south of the A338 on the eastern fringes of Bournemouth. Sat navvies should head to: BH7 7AF

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A338 problems: A 5-6 mile section of contraflow on that road is causing delays that have been significantly worsened several times in recent days by accidents and breakdowns.Update: there are also roadworks and speed restrictions in place on the M3 and M27 - allow extra time for those. Various diversions and suggested alternative routes are in place to combat the A338 problems, with details available via the following:

Press release

Route map

@traveldorset is the twitter account for updates Here's a few suggestions for you to consider: Stay on the A31 and take the A3049 Ringwood Road, turning left on to the A3049 Wallisdown Road past Bournemouth University and then the A3049 Talbot Road until you reach and cross the A338 near the stadium. Leave the M27 at Cadham, take the A337 to Lyndhurst then pick up the A35 to the ground via Christchurch. Leave the A338 at Ringwood and follow the B3347 to Avon. Turn right onto the Avon Causeway and then the B3073 through Hurn which leads back on to the A338 at Blackwater Junction - after the roadworks. Thanks to NUFC.com readers Ross P and Damian S who both independently contacted us to pass on the news about the disruptions - cheers lads.
Trains:Nearest railway station is Pokesdown (15 min walk), but more trains call at Bournemouth Central (30 min walk).Stats: Newcastle go into this game seeking to avoid a third successive away defeat and improve on a record of just a single point from a possible 15 away from Gallowgate this season. Those five goals brought just one goal.Cherries v Magpies - all time:1991/92 drew 2-2 (h) (lost 3-4 on pens) FAC1991/92 drew 0-0 (a) FAC1990/91 won 3-0 (h) D21990/91 lost 1-2 (a) D21972/73 won 2-0 (h) FAC1963/64 lost 1-2 (a) LCReferee: Lee Mason - first sighting this season for the Manchester-based whistler who covered five Newcastle games last time round: a 2-2 draw at Swansea, 1-4 loss at Arsenal, 0-1 FA Cup reverse at Leicester, 1-0 home victory over Aston Villa and 0-2 defeat at Liverpool. One has to go back to February 2011 for the last time United won away from home in the Premier League - a 2-0 success at Birmingham City. UK Radio: BBC Radio 5 Live

NE Radio: Live commentary on BBC Newcastle

UK TV: Live on BT SportOverseas TV: to follow