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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly. My boss immediately came over and...
It’s just the worst thing ever when you shout the wrong name during sex I accidently shouted out my sisters name last week.. Mum was not happy
I shoved some grapes up my girlfriend's arse during kinky sex last night. She didn't scream or anything, just let out a little wine.................
I've set up a demolition company and I don't have to pay my workers. All I do is spray paint 'Mohammad likes bum sex' on the side of the building.
My girlfriend was putting sun cream on. "Do you mind doing my back?" she asked. "Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."...
"A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar. "That's very rude!" one of them said....
My wife always complains when I administer her medication. "I'm sorry love" I told her, "but the Doctor said pushing the suppositories in with...
Elvis my pet mouse died yesterday.... He was caught in a trap..!
The photos of a topless Kate Middleton is just a storm in an A-cup!
Two female officers killed in a grenade attack....where's Bruno Mars when you need him? .......too soon?
To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs
Paparazzi........... Please stop printing naked photos of our royals. I don't care about it being an invasion of their privacy.... I just can't...
*****philes: they sort the men from the boys
After a rape many women lose their sex drive hence the expression 'once you go black you never go back'
I saw a headline that read 'Mo Farah has had twins'. Lucky git, first two gold medals then a threesome.
Apparently Emile Heskey is in talks to join Glasgow Rangers. Never knew the SFA imposed a goal scoring ban on them as well.
I've just heard the awful news that one of the guys that walked on the moon has died.That's terrible, I ****ing loved the Clangers.
Fifty shades of Swansea: Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women. As...
Woohoo - job done. Come on CB39!!!
Thinking of writing my own filthy book like Fifty Shades, so far I have got: "I gently ran my fingers down her front until I found the smoothness...
