I asked my wife what women really want, she said ”attentive lovers” Or maybe she said.. “a tent of lovers!” I wasn’t really listening......
My mate got on the bus the other day with his grandad but there was no seating they had to stand. The bus driver said move farther down the bus. My mate said "that's not my dad it's my grandad"
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"..
I was sitting on a bench in the park next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way. He said "Up until last week I had it all,a cook who cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed and ironed, I had a roof over my head, TV, Internet, I went to the gym every day the pool, the library and I could still go to school." I asked him, "What happened? was it drugs? alcohol? divorce?" He replied "Oh no, nothing like that" he said. "No, no....I just got out of prison !"
Just been to Boots and asked the assistant if they sold Benylin. She replied, "For cough?" I said "Steady on love, I only asked!"
