Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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Another one

A man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he asks the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I have." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in the back?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "No . . . . do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in the back here — see." The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and asks them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all steamed up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the steamy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

 

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What is the fastest fish in the world?

A motorpike

What is the second fastest?

A motorpike and sidecarp.

 

Know where I'm dining tonight.

 

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My mate quit his job at BMW.

He of course gave no indication that he was leaving.

 

What's the difference between a woman and a stick of dynamite?

You actually have to do something to make dynamite explode.

 

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I woke up and saw my wife sobbing on the edge of the bed.
"What's the matter?" I said and sat beside her.
"You came in last night extremely drunk and said how much you hated me & the kids" she cried.
Utterly shocked, I said, "I can assure you, sweetheart, that I wasn't drunk!"

 

We now live in a society where a pizza delivery would get to your house faster than the police !