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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Dunder Mifflin

    Dunder Mifflin Well-Known Member

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    A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

    The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

    The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

    The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir”
     
    #32861
  2. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    My wife looked through my internet history and saw that I booked a holiday to Majorca.
    Now I'll have to invite her.
     
    #32862
    Robertson, Draig, Whittylad and 3 others like this.
  3. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I was having a cuppa with the wife this morning and she saved me from choking to death on a custard cream.
    She'd f*cking eaten them all.
     
    #32863
    Nordic, Robertson, Draig and 7 others like this.
  4. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    The Mrs wants to start trying for a baby. She said “Is your sperm active?”
    “Well it regularly leaps over magazines and computer screens.”
     
    #32864
  5. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I nudged my wife in bed last night, and whispered, "Did you know it's National Orgasm Day?"
    "Oh, what a pity," she yawned, turning away. "Right in the middle of National Headache Week!"
     
    #32865
    Nordic, Robertson, Draig and 9 others like this.
  6. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  7. Dunder Mifflin

    Dunder Mifflin Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #32867
    Draig, Whittylad, Gil T Azell and 3 others like this.
  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  9. Vincemac

    Vincemac Well-Known Member

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    If l had 50p for every time l've failed a maths test. l would have £11.30 now.
     
    #32869
  10. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #32871
  12. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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  13. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  14. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  16. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Thought I heard my neighbour shagging last night, there was moaning and groaning for ages. It turns out her elderly mother had taken a tumble and was banging her stick on the wall trying to get my attention.
    I feel a bit guilty about the w*nk now!!
     
    #32876
  17. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  18. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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  19. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    This time last week I looked at the destruction.
    Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, fires, a bus in pieces, people running scared and police unsure what move to make. . . .
    I turned to our lass and said 'Chin up pet, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car!'
     
    #32879
    Snaggey, spirit of 73, Draig and 2 others like this.
  20. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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