Today I finally passed my driving test. I'm delighted. Now I can go dogging. Without my parents having to give me a lift!!.
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own friggin blanket." After a moment of silence, he farted.
I was taking a **** in the train toilet this morning . When some guy knocked on the door He said, “can I see your ticket please?” “Not right now” I shouted, “I’m taking a ****” He said, I don’t believe you, can you pass it under the door? “No problem” I said, sliding it under, “The yellow bits are Sweetcorn.”
A bus full of blind people went on a day trip to Skegness. Halfway there the driver pulls up at a pub for a piss and a quick drink. To keep the blind people occupied he puts a bell in a football and leaves them outside to have a kick about. Just as he's settling down to drink his pint of coke a fella comes running in and says " Who's looking after that blind group outside "? The drivers says he is and what seems to be the problem. The bloke replies, " You best come outside now, they're kicking the fu*k out of the Morris dancers "