Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

A man goes home to find his wife of ten years packing her bags
What you doing he asks
I’m going to Las Vegas you get paid $500 there what you get for free
He thinks for a while then starts packing his bags to
What you doing she asks
I’m going to Las Vegas to I want to see how you manage on $1000 a year

 

Oldie but an absolute classic imo.

 

My wife hates it when I say, "You're just like your mother!"
Actually, she hates it when I say anything during sex!

 

I had a dream last night that I was getting a blowjob from the blonde one from ABBA...
I only woke up because his beard was tickling my balls!

 

I found out last night that there really is nothing more awkward than watching a film with you're family during the sex scene.
I also found that furiously masturbating to it doesn't help either.

 

"I got fired today," I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," he replied.
"They don't f*ck around at Air Traffic Control," I said.

 

Blinking heck