I man walks into a bar looking depressed The bartender asks what’s up The man replied I’ve just caught my wife having sex with my best friend What did you do I told her to get out And what about your best friend I looked him square in the eyes and said BAD DOG
The wife bought a pair of them tortoise shell patent leather shoes. It was a big mistake . . . . it took her an hour to leave the shop.
I woke up and saw my wife sobbing on the edge of the bed. "What's the matter?" I said and sat beside her. "You came in last night extremely drunk and said how much you hated me & the kids" she cried. Utterly shocked, I said, "I can assure you, sweetheart, that I wasn't drunk!"
I was taking a **** in the train toilet this morning . When some guy knocked on the door He said, “can I see your ticket please?” “Not right now” I shouted, “I’m taking a ****” He said, I don’t believe you, can you pass it under the door? “No problem” I said, sliding it under, “The yellow bits are Sweetcorn
After my wife and I have sex I always like to have a cigarette. This packet, that I bought back in 2010, is lasting well !