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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    What did the duck say when it bought lipstick

    Put it on my bill
     
    #20161
    Draig, MrRAWhite, Gil T Azell and 2 others like this.
  2. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a pony with a sore throat

    A little horse
     
    #20162
    Draig, MrRAWhite, Gil T Azell and 2 others like this.
  3. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    I know spme twins but they're both missing an eye

    They're just dentical twins
     
    #20163
    Draig, MrRAWhite, Gil T Azell and 2 others like this.
  4. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    How many depressed guys does it take to change a light bulb

    Who cares were all going to die anyway
     
    #20164
    Draig, MrRAWhite, Gil T Azell and 2 others like this.
  5. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    A blonde was short of money so she kidnapped a kid and held him for ransom

    She wrote a note that said pay £10000 and leave it under the tree next to the play ground

    Signed A Blonde

    She pinned it to his shirt and sent him home

    The next morning she checked under the tree and a bag was sitting there

    She opened the bag and there was£10000 there with a note saying

    How could you do this to a fellow Blonde
     
    #20165
  6. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I've opened 3 birthday cards and I'm already £150 up, I love being a postman.
     
    #20166
    Sid MCFC, Draig, gelders pie and 5 others like this.
  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The teacher said "Let's begin by reviewing some history. Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775 " he said. "Very good!"

    "Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863". "Excellent!" said the teacher continuing.

    "Let's try one a bit more difficult. Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?" Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961".

    The teacher snapped at the class "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do".

    She heard a loud whisper: "**** the Japs". "WHO SAID THAT? I want to know right now!" she angrily demanded. Little Akio put his hand up "General MacArthur, 1945".

    At that point, a student in the back said "I'm gonna puke". The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now who said that?" Again, Little Akio says "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991".

    Now furious, another student yells "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

    Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little ****! If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004".

    The teacher fainted.

    As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said "Oh ****, we're screwed!"

    Little Akio said quietly "The Labour party if Scotland goes independent".
     
    #20169
  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #20170

  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #20171
  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #20172
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #20173
    Whittylad, Draig, Snaggey and 3 others like this.
  14. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I think it should be compulsory for women to wear makeup when driving.
    Just so they'll look in the f*cking mirror occasionally.
     
    #20174
  15. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Protect your kids this Bonfire Night from fireworks by storing them in a tin..
    Just dont tell the NSPCC and remember to put some holes in the tin lid so the kids can breathe .
     
    #20175
  16. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

    12 months of training wasted
     
    #20176
  17. one gary owers

    one gary owers Well-Known Member

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    An old lady goes to the doctors and says

    I have a problem passing gas but they are silent and don’t smell

    In fact I’ve done it a few times here already

    the doctor gave her some pills and told her to come in two weeks

    She kept the appointment and said to the doctor

    I don’t what those pills where but now my farts smell of old rotten fish

    the doc replied

    That’s good

    Now we have sorted your sineses out we can work on you hearing
     
    #20177
  18. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    The last time Matt Hancock ventured into the bush, it cost him his job
     
    #20178
    Sid MCFC, Whittylad, Draig and 5 others like this.
  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Good old, proper, bonty nights . . . .
    upload_2022-11-5_10-12-5.png
     
    #20179
    Whittylad, Draig, rowley and 7 others like this.
  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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