My wife undercooks everything. We had oxtail soup the other day and the tail was still f*cking wagging
I hate nodding off on the bus first thing in the morning, I went miles past my stop. Maybe driving a bus just isn't for me?
Its great having a dyslexic secretary! she's just given me the best blow job ever and I only sent her an e-mail asking if she could sack my cook!
My Eskimo girlfriend had flu so I rang her and her voice sounded like there was a walrus in her igloo ... ... when I switched to video-call I realised it was just a little husky