A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the covers pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled into bed sheet and proceeded to give her one. Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!" "Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over and complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile." Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom, "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that bastard for 15 years and I wasn't about to start now!"..
Just caught my wife dipping a pile of £20 notes in batter and putting them in her deep fat fryer. I wish she wouldn't fritter all her money away like that.