A man told the doctor : "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't had sex in over a year. I don't understand it." The doctor said : "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy." “What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man. The doctor replied : "Well, somebody's obviously had it in for you....
I had to call Sky TV's complaints department after signing up for their upgrade sports and film package. When the customer service officer asked what the problem was I explained that instead of the expected shiny new Sky Box all I got was a sheet of A4. She said I'd got what I asked for...... Sorry about this one I mean really sorry She said...... "It's paper view"
One lovely day, two tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?” The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
I feel like I'm on the way to kicking my obsession with forestry, but my psychiatrist says I'm not out of the woods yet.
Buckingham Palace have advertised for a gas engineer who can also walk the dogs... Must be corgi registered.
