Shamrock Rovers have just been put in charge of Brexit. They have a fantastic record of leaving Europe swiftly.
Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint. The barman draws it & throws it into his face. “Why did you do that?” Nigel asks. “'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.” Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass” “No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says. “Why not?” Farage asks. “Democracy,” the barman replies.
Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people. They believe he could be following some kind of pattern.
I went to the doctors. He said, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'I don't like my neighbours'
I told my psychiatrist that I might be a kleptomaniac. He gave me tablets and said, "if you're no better in a week bring me a colour TV".
Not one of my normal posts. Bit more serious. If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.