Queen accused of sending subtle "coded message" to Donald Trump with her choice of hat..... please log in to view this image
One day, a man walked into a dentist's surgery and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth. "Forty quid," the dentist said. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man said. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist said, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock the price down to 30 pounds." Looking annoyed, the man said, "That's still far too expensive!" "Okay," said the dentist. "If I save on time and simply rip the tooth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to 10 pounds." "Nope," moaned the man, "it's still too much." "Well," said the dentist finally, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it using pliers, I suppose I can knock the price down to a fiver." "Marvelous!" said the man. "Book my wife in for next Tuesday!"
I travel around fairgrounds and tell the owners when their coconut stalls are getting too old. I'm the shy retiring type.
My girlfriend said her pussy tasted like a rainbow. Unfortunately, it turned out that she meant trout and not Skittles.
As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was allowed a final minute with my wife. I said "Listen Jo, prison is a horrible place that changes people for the worse, and when I come out I doubt I'll be the same man you know and love. For that reason, I don't expect you to wait for me, so get on with your life and try and meet someone else who can hopefully be a father to our children. Most of all though, just stay strong and be happy." "Stay strong?" my wife snapped, "You're only doing a week for an unpaid parking ticket, you fu*king twat!"
A 73-yr-old woman is in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower show. She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement......
My wife said she's leaving me, because I'm too old fashioned. I'll wager a Guinea, she's cavorting with another gentleman behind my back.
