Off Topic Compare the cheese to no 10 thread

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Red Hadron Collider said:
Right then.

My lift to the airport arrived on time and dropped me at scum airport at 8.15 am. I was booked into the exec lounge for 8.30 am. I had already checked in on-line, but hadn't been allocated a seat for the Schipol - Mexico leg. This was resolved when I went to the KLM desk. Then security, where there was a queue - surprise! It was almost my turn when I realised I had a tube of toothpaste in my travel bag which was in my rucksack. I acquired a plastic bag and put it in the tray and took my coat off, putting it on the tray. I went through the scanner, having pointed out the scars on both my knees. Got through that and then the tray man came to me and said he's have to 'test' my toothpaste as it was covered by my coat. He then came back and said it was OK. On to the exec lounge.

The people were very pleasant in there and it wasn't busy. I asked where the beer was. There was actually a good selection of food available, including bacon, sausage, eggs beans and tomatoes, but food wasn't really on my agenda <laugh> The selection of beer was ****e, even by my standards. Fosters or Carlsberg and John Smiths bitter. Unfortunately, Fosters it was. Had about 8 bottles of that, 3 vodka and orange and a whisky and lemo, so I got my £20 worth.

I went to my gate as the sign said it was boarding. Unfortunately, there was about a 25 minute delay, so despite having been for about 3 pisses in the exec lounge, I had to get someone to save myself in the queue as I had to go for another one <laugh> I was a little worried, as I only had an hour at Schipol, but a trolley dolly assured me the other flight wouldn't be going anywhere as it was KLM as well. I went for a piss on the plane and on the way back, I heard someone call my name. I turned round and it was a bloke I'd met about 10 days earlier at the Cheese, as he is an of friend of my eldest from school. Mathematician at Airbus. Bit of a cock really, but I thought I'd have to sit next to him as he's texted her and she texted me just after.

Got to Schipol and it was a hell of a walk to the gate, but there was a slight delay boarding. Got the first meal down me and then took a couple of temazepam and nodded off. Woke up a few hours later and saw a form in front of me. Thought it was probably a customer service survey, so I shoved it in the magazine rack. Free ale on the flight, but only 5 small cans of Heineken.

Got to Mexico City and went to go through security. I saw loads of people feverishly filling forms out. It turns out the leaflet that had been put on my table was actually a visa application <yikes> I managed to get hold of one, but had to lose my place in the queue to fill it out. It asked where I was staying in Mexico City and I had no ****ing idea. The security bloke had no English, so I was trying to explain that my daughter had booked it online and hadn't given me the info. After a lot of dithering about, he stamped both and let me through. I spotted my case, and was the last one to walk out of the exit doors, where my daughter was waiting for me.

We eventually got to the apartment we were staying at in Mexico City. It was about 5 mikes out of the centre. It was absolutely fine, but I was informed that I wasn't allowed to put paper down the toilet as the drains would get blocked. This proved somewhat problematic a little further into the trip.........

We only stayed there the one night and then got a taxi to the coach station to go to Qaxaca City. This was an 8 hour trip with no toilet on the coach and only one 5 minute break. The scenery was sensational all through the mountains. About 40 minutes from our destination, the heavens opened and it was still pissing down when we arrived. We got a cab after George had shown him the address of our apartment for the next 3 nights. We got out into the pouring rain and George went off to find it. My daughter and I stood under a ramshackle shelter. He went in several different directions, but couldn't find it, so we had to catch a taxi to a McDonalds where there would be wifi. Oh no there wasn't. Poor George had to go to the other coach station, which defo had wifi. In the meantime, it started pissing down again, so my daughter had to dig their coats out of their rucksacks and went to take it to him. Anyway, he made contact with the guy we were renting the apartment off and he told us to phone when we were on the way and he would stand outside to meet us. None of us could make calls to Mexican numbers, so we had to ask the driver to make the call en route. the first 2 weren't interested, but the third one said he'd do it. When we got there, it was about 20 yards up from where we'd been sheltering and George had walked past it 3 times earlier <laugh> Anyway, Manuel was a lovely bloke and the apartment was superb. Ground floor as well.

TBC.
Click to expand...

Thats some feed in the executive lounge for breakfast.
 
No wonder it was 12 hours. Only about 170 miles, but down through the mountains so hair-pin after hair-pin and then going through the villages it was speed bump after speed bump. We got there about 7.45 pm and it was dusk. The taxi dropped us off, but it was the wrong place. We found a bar close by and George went to look. He came back pretty quickly having found it was the other side at the place we'd been dropped. I was dragging my suitcase over an uneven, unlit path up to the apartment, the toe of my sandal caught on a rock and I went down <yikes> I took the fall on my hands, so managed to avoid my knees, but rolled sideways and gave my hip a slight bang. I **** it, but everything was fine, thank ****. We got the luggage in and went for a drink. This was the apartment I've already mentioned ion here. It was absolutely beautiful. 2 huge bedrooms with king size beds separated by a connecting shower room. A fully equipped kitchen and dining area and our own veranda with a palm roof, a massive wrap-around settee and a big coffee table. All the furniture was extremely solid throughout. We got very pissed and stoned that night and listened to music on my daughter's blue tooth speaker. The next day was her birthday and my first trip to the beach.

TBC.
 
In the morning, I took my daughter for a birthday breakfast, and then it was off to the beach. The entrance to the beach was only a 5 minute walk from the apartment, but when you get there, you have to go down 120 steps to actually get there <yikes> That's bad enough, but imagine coming back up in 37 degree heat.

The beach is lovely. Big waves breaking right onto the beach, which was very steep going into the water and so the water rushed back down after breaking. There was lots of surfing going on and it was my intention to do some body boarding. George explained that the rip was very strong, but that once you were in, it was fine. He wasn't ****ing joking. I walked down to the water's edge and in. The first wave broke and knocked me off my feet. I then tried to get up and it hit me coming back, knocking me over again. I was laughing my tits off, but I genuinely couldn't get up until George and a couple of Mexican blokes gave me a hand. He then had to lead me in, but once there, it was great. Luke warm and crystal clear. Had a good swim and got knocked over again getting out <laugh> Spent a few more hours on the beach and then back up those ****ing steps. In the evening, we went out for the birthday dinner. They had wanted to go to this smoked fish taco place, but it's closed on a Sunday, so we ended up going for a pizza, which was delicious and I don't even like pizza usually.

That night, there was an amazing storm which came in straight off the ocean. Separate parts of the sky were lighting up like in Close Encounters and the thunder was deafening. The other two went to bed. There was a bar next door which we never went to. There was a Cheese-style kick off that night. A bloke and a woman screaming at each other for about half an hour and then two police cars pulled up with lights flashing, but no sirens.

The following day, we packed up, went for a few Victorias and then got a cab to Mazunte. Just short of an hour and a distance of 45 miles and the taxi cost £12 <laugh>

TBC
 
Mazunte is a magical place. We got there, and as usual, George went to try and find the place. My daughter had a smoothie and I had one of those cocktail things I can't remember the name of - rum, lime and **** knows what else, but very refreshing. A litre of it <laugh> George found it and had the key. It was a pretty steep, uneven path up into the forest and then some steps up the side of a house. Ours was at the top. We were in a ****ing tree house <laugh> My bedroom was on the bottom floor and was totally open to the elements bar the palm and rattan roof and a large rectangular window covered with mosquito netting - no glass. Again, it was a shower room and a cooking and dining area. Their bedroom was on a mezzanine above me with a ladder up. The floor was tiled. There was also a hammock in the middle of the room. It was ****ing stunning. It had been decided, based on people they had spoken to who had been, that the mushroom village was too inaccessible for me, so we extended our stay in Mazunte for another two nights - 5 in total.

On the first afternoon, we went to what became my favourite cafe, which had a waiter called Martin. My daughter wanted an ice cream and George wanted a coconut, so they strolled off leaving me drinking Victoria and Mescal. They came back half an hour later. George had his coconut, but had also bought an ounce of weed for £12 off the same guy. We set off down to the beach and this oldish Mexican guy stopped us and asked if we wanted to swim with dolphins the following morning. We asked how much, and it was £12 each for 2.75 hours and including face mask and snorkel use. We told him where we were staying (La Secreta) and he arranged to meet us at the bottom of our path at 7.45 am. Despite using deet, I got bitten to **** that night <laugh>

The following morning was beautiful. High 20s even at that time in the morning. The guy was waiting at the bottom of our path and we wandered down to the beach, where he collected up the other people who were going, including an older Mexican lady (probably early 50s) called Eloisa, who befriended us. She was very fit as she had been a snorkeling instructor at Cancun and Puerto Escondido. They laid some plastic tubing down the beach and we all had to help his guys to push the boat into the water. Then we all got on 13 in total including the man on the outboard. On the way out to the dolphins, we passed lots of sea turtles, including two making love very gently in the open ocean. We also went to a rock that was a bird colony and was white with bird **** <laugh> We then started spotting the odd dolphin and the numbers gradually increased until there were 30 or 40 of them criss-crossing the boat and going underneath it.

TBC.
 
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Red Hadron Collider said:
That night, there was an amazing storm which came in straight off the ocean. Separate parts of the sky were lighting up like in Close Encounters and the thunder was deafening. The other two went to bed. There was a bar next door which we never went to. There was a Cheese-style kick off that night. A bloke and a woman screaming at each other for about half an hour and then two police cars pulled up with lights flashing, but no sirens.

The following day, we packed up, went for a few Victorias and then got a cab to Mazunte. Just short of an hour and a distance of 45 miles and the taxi cost £12 <laugh>

TBC
Click to expand...
Were they called Hi-Vis Hernando and Coquita?
 
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"As I was climbing into the water, aroused from watching the turtles hump, I felt a Dolphin force himself on me from behind, at first it was painful, but then I started to enjoy it. I dropped my hold on the ladder and the Dolphin smashed me into it, injuring me.
 
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... I felt the dolphin press his fleshy, grey belly against my back, my own belly now wedged against the detached ladder. The flippers caressed my face which was reddened from the fresh Mexican sunburn and years of alcohol abuse. Suddenly and expertly the limber flukes whipped my swimming shorts off. I watched them resurface several metres away, the little cartoon desert islands of their fabric prominent against the ocean's continuous blue. The other dolphins slowly encircled us cutting off any route from the ladder to the fast receding boat. They splashed the water with their flippers and clicked as if urging him on in an old cetaceous ritual. The splashing, the clicking, splashing and clicking, growing more intense and agitated as they sensed the nearness of the softly brutal act about to be wreaked beneath the swell on my sallow, expectant body.
 
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Red Hadron Collider said:
Mazunte is a magical place. We got there, and as usual, George went to try and find the place. My daughter had a smoothie and I had one of those cocktail things I can't remember the name of - rum, lime and **** knows what else, but very refreshing. A litre of it <laugh> George found it and had the key. It was a pretty steep, uneven path up into the forest and then some steps up the side of a house. Ours was at the top. We were in a ****ing tree house <laugh> My bedroom was on the bottom floor and was totally open to the elements bar the palm and rattan roof and a large rectangular window covered with mosquito netting - no glass. Again, it was a shower room and a cooking and dining area. Their bedroom was on a mezzanine above me with a ladder up. The floor was tiled. There was also a hammock in the middle of the room. It was ****ing stunning. It had been decided, based on people they had spoken to who had been, that the mushroom village was too inaccessible for me, so we extended our stay in Mazunte for another two nights - 5 in total.

On the first afternoon, we went to what became my favourite cafe, which had a waiter called Martin. My daughter wanted an ice cream and George wanted a coconut, so they strolled off leaving me drinking Victoria and Mescal. They came back half an hour later. George had his coconut, but had also bought an ounce of weed for £12 off the same guy. We set off down to the beach and this oldish Mexican guy stopped us and asked if we wanted to swim with dolphins the following morning. We asked how much, and it was £12 each for 2.75 hours and including face mask and snorkel use. We told him where we were staying (La Secreta) and he arranged to meet us at the bottom of our path at 7.45 am. Despite using deet, I got bitten to **** that night <laugh>

The following morning was beautiful. High 20s even at that time in the morning. The guy was waiting at the bottom of our path and we wandered down to the beach, where he collected up the other people who were going, including an older Mexican lady (probably early 50s) called Eloisa, who befriended us. She was very fit as she had been a snorkeling instructor at Cancun and Puerto Escondido. They laid some plastic tubing down the beach and we all had to help his guys to push the boat into the water. Then we all got on 13 in total including the man on the outboard. On the way out to the dolphins, we passed lots of sea turtles, including two making love very gently in the open ocean. We also went to a rock that was a bird colony and was white with bird **** <laugh> We then started spotting the odd dolphin and the numbers gradually increased until there were 30 or 40 of them criss-crossing the boat and going underneath it.

TBC.
Click to expand...

Still TBC <laugh?
 
At this stage, the local on the outboard told everyone to get in, which we did. Most of the dolphins ****ed off, leaving 4 or 5 swimming close by. I didn't actually touch one, but it was incredible being in the water with them and actually hearing them communicate so close by.

We had about 10 mins in the water and then it was back on the boat. They dropped a rusty iron ladder over the side and as I was climbing up, I caught my shin on it and cut it quite badly. Rusty ladder and no tetanus booster did worry me somewhat, but I just kept splashing sea water on it. Eloisa was concerned as well and said she could get something when we got off the boat. We started returning to the shore and it was all of to swim in to lighten the boat to get it onto the beach. Eloisa got me to stay on, because of my shin, along with a very fat yank bird who'd lost a contact lens. The guy took the boat further out and hen turned it towards the beach, where the plastic tubes had been laid out again. He then ****ing gunned it right at the beach. I was sitting on the floor with my back against the seating area facing out to sea. I put my hands behind my back to cushion it. No idea how fast we were going when we hit the beach, but it was a ****ing scream <laugh> We got some stuff from the chemist in the end and it's healed up fine. No lockjaw <laugh>

The next few days were spent on the beach and in various bars/cafes. The only real **** up we made was leaving Mazunte a day early by accident. However, the night before, there was another tropical storm which was one of the most incredible things I've seen. The whole forest was lit up with lightning and the wind was ferocious. I was a bit worried that the roof was coming off at one stage, but it remained intact. The floor in the living room was pretty wet in the morning, though <laugh> We were on the coach back to Oaxaca City (where my last night was booked) when George realised we still had one more night left in Mazunte. However, it was too late by then. We got back to the city and contacted the place we were staying the following night, but it wasn't available. We ended up in a hostel where they'd stayed before. It was a 4 bed dorm (2 bunk beds). The other lower bunk was already occupied, we knew not by whom, so I was faced with the prospect of sleeping in my shorts and t shirt that night. My daughter and George knew several of the people there from the first time they'd stayed there. They were a decent bunch (I actually wasn't quite the oldest there <yikes>) and there was a central smoking atrium where weed was totally acceptable. It was actually Mexican Independence Day that day, so there were pretty wild celebrations and plenty of fireworks.

Next day we went to the gaff we were originally booked into for the last night, which was also great. Found this one first time. We went into the city during the day, but it pissed down all afternoon, so we just sat drank and ate. Took some beers back to the apartment and prepared to leave the following day. 8 hour coach trip back to Mexico, taxi to the airport and I left them there to go and check in. I have to admit to having a tear in my eye as I walked away. Check in was simple and security straightforward. Got some ***s in duty free and headed for the bar. No ****ing smoking area <grr> Massive tail wind across the Atlantic ( doing just short of 700 mph and one point) and got to Schipol almost an hour early. Found what gate my connecting flight was from and made my way there. I spotted the gate, so I knew where it was. I love Schipol. All the signs are in English. I looked up and there was a sign for 'smoking area', right next to the Heineken Bar <laugh> Three pints and a good few ***s and then boarded the flight back. Got back 20 minutes early and I heard a text notification. When I got outside, it was a message from Scots Gary saying he couldn't pick me up, so ended up getting a taxi back <grr> So that was it.

Wonderful holiday with my daughter. Beautiful country populated by lovely people (bar the ****ing coppers and cartels). Great cost of living and warm all year round at the coast. If I had the money, I'd live there. It wouldn't have been possible without Mr Sanger and his excellent team at Halton hospital.
 
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